It's Too Late For This Stuff

I've been sick for the past several weeks and just can't seem to shake whatever it is that's gotten a hold of me. It got really bad on Thursday, so bad I had to go home from work since I had a fever and then I stayed home on Friday as well. Saturday showed me a bit of a turnaround and improvement physically but then came the mental setback.

My wife has been out of work since September due to an injury. She had a cyst in her calf that was removed and also had an arthroscopy done on her knee. It's been a long hard road back for her and on Thursday she finally found a new job, one that won't be physically or mentally challenging but one that will pay enough for us to start getting out from under the mound of debt we are currently covered with.

So today after she gets off of work somehow now she's angry with me but of course won't say why or what I presumably did. I think it's because we've been feeling some distance between us what with all of the stress we've been encountering. No matter what I do I end up on the wrong side. I've tried to be as good a person as I can, loyal to a fault but sometimes that's not enough. I may not always say the right things, I may not gauge her feelings or mood accurately and I may let my shortcomings get the best of me at times but my heart is good. I've never cheated on her, never gambled away our money nor spent it on drugs or booze. I am far from perfect but I've never claimed to be perfect either. All I can do is try and weather the storm and see what tomorrow brings me. You can't always please people when you're trying to be yourself.

Times like this wear on me mentally and when that is coupled with my physical problems it just seems like everything is piling on me all at once and that gets somewhat overwhelming. I've had time to step back and reflect and write this and that by itself is good therapy. Will it matter at all? Only time will tell, this isn't just in my hands after all, I don't have much control over these things so I can only keep putting one foot in front of the other. Little by little, day by day.