Thursday, January 28, 2010

Joe Strummer and the Latino Rockabilly War - Trash City

I've been thinking about this Joe Strummer song a lot lately and have to say that in my humble opinion it's pretty amazing! This is a more obscure song from Strummer's solo career after The Clash broke up and is from the soundtrack to the movie "Permanent Record." Although it never hit in the top 40 and isn't known all over the world it doesn't matter because it's such a wonderful song. We lost a major talent when Joe died. Enjoy...............

Unfortunately I never got to see Joe play live although I could have. While doing my radio show at WMUL (Marshall University) in the latter 90s he came to Cincinnati and I had good connections with his label (Hell-Cat Records) and could have gotten free tickets and possibly even a show I.D. but I was at a point where I didn't want to drive 2 hours to see a show. Basically I was too lazy and it wasn't too much later that he died and I realized what I mistake I had made. That just goes to show that there are some things in life you shouldn't pass up on because you never know if you'll get another chance. R.I.P. Joe Strummer.

Time goes on

About 3 weeks ago I made a post about not even knowing if my marriage was going to make it. My wife had said some pretty horrible things to me and honestly I didn't even know if I wanted to keep on trying. What a difference a day makes. We talked the next day and she was going through a few things but explained that she didn't mean what she had said and indeed did love me and wanted us to stay together and works things out. Since then I've turned a corner of sorts and come out of the semi-depression I was in and feel much better about life in general and am even making plans for future events since clearly waiting for something good to happen just doesn't work. You have to put yourself in a position for good things to happen. Basically I mean you need to be working towards a clearly defined goal in order for positive things to happen for and to you. Sitting around dreaming while nice and time consuming just doesn't get it done. Unfortunately there won't be a knock at the door where the perfect thing you want in life will happen to and for you. You've got to get out there and make it happen and now I'm planning for it.

When I say i was depressed don't get the wrong idea. It wasn't clinical or anything like that. It's just that off and on I would get depressed about work, my marriage and personal things that I've not accomplished in life. The thing was I wasn't doing anything to realize my dreams, to make them reality. That's all about to change my friends. I feel something very different and am making my plans, putting it in writing with a realistic plan of action. It doesn't even matter if I fail as long as I put forth the effort and do my best. Okay it matters some, I won't lie. Anyway, this is the year I start learning again and get off my duff for better or worse and accomplish something. More on this later.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

What's Going On?

It’s not easy hearing that you’re not good enough from the person that you love and that you presume loves you. As a matter of fact it’s a slap in the face, a stinging blow to your spirit, your pride and your belief in the world. When that comment is used in addition to other hurtful words the effect can be devastating. I heard those words and more tonight from my wife. She told me she made a mistake marrying me and that basically we can never be happy because I won’t change who I am and that everything wrong is my fault, other than her marrying me that is. What a way to start off the New Year.

It would be a lie if I said that during this very difficult year I hadn’t wondered if we would make it. I did think about that. That’s what I do, I think deeply about things and yeah sometimes I think too deeply. No, I did think about that from time to time and I even thought about what it would be like. My wife has the feeling that everything would be fine if we got a divorce, that everything would be perfect and we would be so much happier on our own. Except we wouldn’t be on our own. You see, we have a son. A beautiful, lively son with a lust for life who is two years and 8 months old. Common sense says that if we were to split now he would adapt quickly although he wouldn’t really understand why things changed. To him it would just be different and he’d adjust and move forward.

What I worry about though is how I would adapt especially if I couldn’t see him every day. I love this kid dearly and can’t bear the thought of not seeing him every single day and being with him and interacting with him. He just came up to me as I’m typing this so for now I need to stop and just be here with my son. Who knows how many more opportunities I’ll have like this?