What's Wrong With My Brain?

Don’t tell my wife I said this but there’s a lot of things I don’t remember. I listen to a lot of podcasts and hear people speak about remembering where and on what day they saw a particular movie from over a decade ago. They can supply numerous details about the weather on that day, the theater and where they stopped to eat before or afterwards. They have a rich tapestry of memories to draw upon it seems.

It doesn’t work that way for me. I can’t tell you what day of the week or the month and probably not the year (without looking it up) that I first saw Star Wars, or Aliens or any of literally thousands of other movies I’ve seen in my life. I can’t give tell you if I had popcorn or candy. My brain just doesn’t work that way.

It’s not just movies though. I also can’t recall a great many details of concerts I’ve seen other than the year (maybe) and the general period within that year (Summer? Fall?) that it occurred in. If you ask me about the set list I’m at a loss. I know I enjoyed it and I probably could tell you who I went with and perhaps I generally can remember the opening bands or if there were any. Then again, I’ve seen a lot of shows.

I am almost always reading a book but if you ask me about it a month afterwards I doubt I could tell you a great many details about it. By that point I’ve more than likely already read at least three more. If it’s in a series by the time the next one comes out I almost have to go back and read the previous one all over again if I want any sense of continuity.

The thing I’ve come to realize over my life is that I consume these things (books, movies, music) and other experiences very much in the minute and then I move on to the next. If I don’t retain anything I can always read or watch it again. That doesn’t really work for concerts of course. My only recourse at this point is to research it and write it all down as best I can.

The way I have come to feel about is that there is nothing wrong with the way my mind works. It is what it is and it does how it does. I don’t expect to be normal or like everybody else is because that use of terminology is just an illusion. There is no right or wrong way to be. I am the way I was created. It would be a rather horrid world to live in if everybody thought the same way, processed information the same way, expected the world to behave the way they thought was correct.

Wait a minute, aren’t we already on that road to intolerance of difference? Don’t we already expect others to think the normal, correct way and chastise others if they don’t agree? Shouldn’t I have a right to think the way I do and say what I want to say even if it’s different than your way and your opinion?

Of course we all have those rights. Just don’t expect to actually be able to use them.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

The Week In Review, Health Scares And So Forth

Last week proved to be a difficult one in my household. My wife had been having symptoms that sounded like they were TIA which is also called mini-strokes. There is no lasting damage but it can be a precursor to an actual stroke so she went to the clinic and had an MRI of the brain scheduled. Five days before the MRI she stopped having her symptoms but decided to err on the side of safety and went ahead with the MRI. Once there they saw a dark spot and sent her to the Emergency Room and due to a mis-communication (happens a lot in U.S. healthcare it seems) she was admitted. The doctor thought that she was continuing to have her symptoms. It was determined that she had a blood clot but that it was old and wasn't currently bleeding so she was allowed to go home. The followup MRI is on Tuesday and hopefully it will show that the clot has decreased in size otherwise surgery may be needed.

She was understandably upset and her nerves were on edge and then she developed something new. She said her head felt like when you fall down and scrape your knee, that sensation, and she was almost sure that it had started to bleed again. On Wednesday she went back to the clinic and they did the neurological tests and determined that she was fine, what she was feeling was brought on by stress and worry. Since then she's been doing much better. Perhaps she just needed to hear from another person to relieve her tensions. Around this time our son started sounding like he was getting a cold but really it was nothing to hold him back. He took his medicine every day and since we caught it early it's almost all the way gone now. He's at a wonderful age when little things like being sick are not enough to hold you back or slow you down.

As for me, well I had a follow-up appointment at my doctors office so that he could check on a few things. He decided to take the decision out of my hands and started me on medicine for high blood pressure since it seems to be getting worse instead of better. He also put in for me to have another sleep study so that I could get a new C-Pap machine for my sleep apnea which as he remarked, is quite severe. I stopped using my C-Pap machine over four years ago after my son was born and it then later simply disappeared. I have my suspicions about what happened but in the spirit of keeping harmony in the house I'll keep it to myself. For now.

Perhaps with a new C-Pap machine and the exercise routine that I started a few weeks ago I'll be able to discontinue the medicine as long as my health improves. The other thing that he discussed was my cholesterol level which is also high. As a matter of fact he said I'm in the pre-diabetes stage which means I need to make lifestyle changes now before it's too late. So I've been doing a lot of thinking about what needs to change and how I can make it happen. I'm already on the way with my commitment to exercise so now we have to see about a change in diet, even though I wrote last time about not doing so at this time. Karma has a way of biting you in the butt, doesn't it?

I believe the best way for me to do everything is to make a loose schedule of what needs to be done each day and that way I can have something to work towards. Since I agreed to teach in my men's quorum at church (two Sundays a month) and I want to start learning to play bass guitar, as well as needing to start to improve my pitiful Spanish language skills (after six years of marriage to a Peruvian woman it's way past due) I'm sure I can fill up the time that I have before and after work. And if I can't then my wife will be more than happy to assist me so I better do it on my own. We keep putting our heads down and are trying to move forward no matter what obstacles are put in our way. The only other option is to give in to despair and give up on life and I don't see that as an option. Life goes on whether we agree with it or not. Stay tuned.

Published by Don Leach