Mortality Has Reared It's Ugly Head

This year I've been feeling my mortality for the first time, and not because I turned forty-seven yesterday. Earlier in the year my wife had a blood clot on her brain and it really made me look at life and assess where I am in my own life. Yes I did realize that I have more than likely already lived more than half of my allotted time and I haven't accomplished much of what I want to. What I learned is that the clock is ticking. Clearly most people end up frustrated in life, not doing the things they would most like to be able to do. We get stuck in jobs we really would rather not do just to pay our bills. After all, it costs (a lot) to pay for a mortgage and associated bills, vehicles and gas, phones, food, clothes....this list could keep on going. The trick is to find a way to pay those bills while doing something that you enjoy. I'm not there yet.

Years ago when I worked at Cabell Huntington Hospital in Huntington, WV my co-workers and I would laugh and joke about men (okay doctors) that would go through a mid-life crisis. These men always bought either a sports car or motorcycle and tried to look younger than they were. Now I feel that I understand them a lot better. Some of them clearly were trying to regain a part of their youth, a time when they were much happier, but they tried to do it by purchasing things instead of finding things that they like. That can only help superficially, smoothing the outside image that a person sends out without discovering what actually makes them happy. Also, it's usually at mid-life when you have the money to spend on these things, unless you're me. I've always been a late bloomer in life.

As for the others who were actually just trying to enjoy life more, well my experiences this year have made me think about what was really important in life. It isn't the things you accumulate, that you own. As a matter of fact those things usually end up owning you. You end up chasing the most recent, newest model or the coolest new gadget. I think it's much more important to be with people that you love and who enhance who and what you are. Basically, if you surround yourself with cool people you'll enjoy life more. Where you live, what you drive, your social status, none of those things are important to me. Making a huge sum of money while nice isn't that important either. What good does it do to make a million dollars a year if you work eighty hours a week and never get to see your family and friends? You never get to see your favorite band or go to the beach or see your child grow.

Believe me, if I could pay my bills off and find a way to support my family on a smaller budget I'd move to Peru right now. The cost of living is lower and there are so many beautiful things to see. I have many ideas that I need to work on, perhaps one of them could be the one to allow me to get paid to do what I like. You can write a hundred movie scripts but if nobody is willing to buy one, well you can't pay your bills with that. It seems that we always need a little help in one form or another to make our dreams and ideas work. Of course you have to put in the effort first to be properly prepared and make it easy for someone to say yes to those ideas. There are untold masses out there who have talent so you have to come with more than that. Determination and a strong will are necessary and even then you aren't guaranteed to succeed. The hardest thing is to find that someone who can help make it happen especially when you don't have any contacts in that field.

All I can do is keep working and planning and doing my research. At least then I can say that I gave it my best effort no matter what the outcome is. You can try and succeed or fail, but if you don't try you can only fail. Besides, if you throw enough crap against the wall eventually some of it will stick. Anybody out there who wants to help show me the way?

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

Funeral Day

Today I went to a funeral and I suppose it was as nice as a funeral can be. To be honest the reason you are there in the first place is enough to bring anybody's spirits down to the lowest levels. As I listened and watched what was going on around me I started to drift mentally and think about what would happen when I die. What would my funeral be like? Would my family know enough about me to have a service that would go along with my wishes, beliefs and more importantly my personality? There's really no way to know unless you make it clearly known and even then they may not accede to your wishes.

I've seen funerals before where I knew that the dearly departed would have absolutely hated what was taking place in their name. Lot's of long, boring speeches full of nice comments about things that the person did not believe in. People who barely knew them talking about them as if they were best friends for life or attributing characteristics to them that frankly just weren't there. That's not what I want anybody to have to go through in order to pay their last respects, assuming of course there will be anybody willing to do so.

I want my funeral to be short and sweet. Just read a list of a few accomplishments in my life like getting married, having a child, going to a war and things that interested me like writing this blog and the time I did a radio show and so on. Play songs by Alejandro Escovedo, Rush and maybe one that I wrote the lyrics for. That's it. Then my family and friends can gather and eat, listen to music, watch some videos and tell stories about me. Celebrate my life don't mourn it.

If however my wishes were to be ignored then at least do something untraditional. Have a bunch of music, food and some senseless fun for everybody before stuffing the casket in the ground. I know that for a lot of people the funeral is for those that survive, not for the one that has passed but really, I'd like my funeral to be done as if I were there having to endure it with the rest of the saps. As if I'm the one watching the clock wanting to move things along no matter whether I am living or not. Whatever you do, just don't prolong it, get it over with fast. Then everybody can get on with their day. That would make me happy, well that is if I'm able to feel anything at that point that is.

Published by Don Leach

Mortality Rears It's Ugly Head

Sometimes things happen that seem extremely important and very serious and then a second thing happens that shows me that it really isn't so. Case in point, last Saturday my glasses broke and I had to be driven by my wife to see about getting them fixed. Once at the shop I found that they didn't have my frame in stock (the lenses were cut for the frame) and that it could take up to ten days to get new ones. I cannot see without my glasses so there is no way I could drive, read or let's face it, even work. To me this was a very big deal and I felt quite a bit helpless and overwhelmed at the chance that I would have to wait even a portion of that time to be able to see properly again. It just invokes a sense of helplessness and dependency that I am unaccustomed to.

Then I got the word that my best friend's mother-in-law had passed away the night before. Suddenly my problem didn't seem so serious anymore. Sure it would make life a lot more difficult but clearly, there are much worse things that can happen. Whenever something like this happens it inevitably makes me think about mortality, mine as well as others. I'm sure this is a normal and common thing to occur but since I am such a deep thinking kind of person, for me it goes to another level. I've thought about what will happen when/if just about everyone close to me were to die and how it would impact everybody else who is left behind and what our lives would be like as we go about trying to move on. This includes me and what it would be like for my family and friends if I were to die. Naturally since this isn't such a rosy, cheerful subject it only stands to reason that there isn't a lot of smiling and laughter going on when I am thinking about these things.

Let's face it, it's going to happen at some point. All of us are going to leave this mortal coil and pass on to something else. No matter how much we believe or think that we know through our religion (or lack thereof) ultimately the truth of the matter is that we do not know what is going to happen to us. All we can do is guess and surmise and hope that what we were meant to accomplish and what we wanted to accomplish will all be completed at that time, or that at least we'll have as much of the wish list checked off as possible.

Sometimes I feel that we need these reminders so that we don't get too complacent in life. If there's anything that we want to do whether it be traveling, music, writing or spending time with our kids, we need to do it now instead of putting it off for another day or time. I'm forty-six years old and when it gets down to it, I don't know if there will be a tomorrow or a next week. Nothing is promised so take care of it today. At least I can try to live that way, because I don't want to leave anybody behind that will end up saying they wished they had more time with me or that there were things that weeer eleft undone. The way I see it that's one of the worst things you can do to people you love.

Published by Don Leach