New Lyrics - Deceiver

This is a first draft of some lyrics that I wrote in church last Sunday (instead of paying attention to the message). Some words just flew out at me, and I knew I had to use them. Even though the people who spoke them didn't put any special emphasis on them they stood out to me and this is what I came up with. It will change I am sure, especially if/when Tommy gets ahold of it.

Deceiver

You do not do the work
You do not care to believe
Transgress against the world
Only take what you need

Proclaim to serve
Reaffirm your path
Undermine with apathy
Burn down the truth
Burn it down Burn it down
Burn it all down

You create your own view
Based on real falsehoods
Deceive your own mind
Destroy the greater good

You keep your ears closed
Don't listen to the voice
Knowledge becomes distorted
You've made your choice

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

Something New This Way Comes

I was sitting in church today (skipping my class) and this one came out. It's very rough (okay a lot rough) but it pertains to a couple of things that have been in the back of my mind a lot lately. Sooner or later they'll come rising to the top and there you are. And no it isn't about my sexuality goofballs.

It’s staring me in the face
But I avoid it
A small whisper building to a roar
But I pretend not to hear
So obvious like a slap in the face
But I can’t admit it
 
Too many questions too many what if’s
What can I do what can I say

Is there such a thing as use it or lose it

Or is it never too late to make the change
Adapt and charge indulge your youth
It’s not about who knows just go do it

Don’t wanna live doomed to regret

The perfect idea goes nowhere alone
Unable to live solely within your thoughts
Say it out loud and write it down

The time is soon coming

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

The Art Of Cowardly Fighting

Recently while in Sunday School I had a memory of a kid I knew when I was young. It's been over twenty-five years since I've seen him and as a result I no longer remember his name. For the sake of the story let's just call him Greg. Greg didn't live in my apartment building but did live on the same block as me in the projects. We were friendly off and on over a period of a few years but not exactly friends if that makes sense. As a matter of fact, the last memory I have of him was a fight between me and his younger brother and subsequently me and him but that's another story entirely.

On this particular day when we were about ten years old during a period of friendship we happened to be standing outside on the block talking. Greg had this bad habit of running his mouth to other people but unfortunately for him he had absolutely no ability to defend himself. For whatever reason there was he would start calling another kid names, saying bad things about his family and what he would do to the kid. Since he couldn't back any of his smack talk up whenever it came to physical violence (which with boys at that age it invariably will do) Greg usually wound up taking a beating. I recall on one occasion a boy we'll call Mike (can't remember his name either) came running up to Greg and started punching him out of the blue. It seems Greg had been mouthy with Mike in school where Mike couldn't do anything about it but now out in the open he had found his opportunity for revenge.

Greg immediately dropped into a fetal position and covered up as best he could while Mike pounded away on him. Eventually Mike tired of this and figuring that his need for revenge was sated he stopped pummeling Greg and told him he'd gotten what he deserved. Mike let him up and told him in great detail what he would do to him the next time he dared to talk to him the way he had before. Greg kept his head down and started to walk away sniffling but when he had gone about thirty to forty feet he started a vicious, nasty, verbal assault on Mike the likes of which I had never heard before. Greg took off running with Mike in hot pursuit but he only got a short distance before Mike caught him and the whole scene repeated itself.

Once more Mike let Greg up and once more he walked away before starting another verbal assault. Mike chased him down again and bashed him as best he could, given Greg's fetal position. This scene repeated itself several more times before Greg finally made it to the safety of his home (or Mike just tired of using him as a human punching bag) whichever came first. Greg had suffered a very public beating but had never stopped running his mouth once he had gained some sort of relative safety. Mike had shown that he could dominate Greg but could not stop him from running his mouth, no matter how many times he beat him down. It's hard to say whose will was more indomitable.

What's could all of this possibly have to do with Church you say? Our lesson was about a leader who refused to make an oath that he would war no more even though he and his men were trapped and could not win. They faced complete destruction and still he would not give in. Greg was very much like that leader. He put himself in a bad situation of his own making and talked about what he would do but ultimately would not fight back and defend himself. Behind his verbal smokescreen he was a coward and could not face his own demons. Not once did he stand up for himself, not once did he attempt to throw a single punch. Instead he chose to transfer those demons to others in what I can only surmise was an effort to deflect the pain he felt inside. As a result he ended up having pain on the outside fighting a war he could never win.

Greg could not bring himself to capitulate nor could he learn from his mistakes. At the very least he should have realized that the smart thing to do was get a little more distance between Mike and himself before opening his mouth again, but he could not even do that. I don't know if it was pride, stupidity or good old fashioned craziness which drove him. At the time I didn't know whether I should admire or pity him and even now I still can't say for sure how I feel. His behavior puzzled me then as it does now. If you won't defend yourself then perhaps it's better to just keep your mouth shut. If he never learned from his mistakes and dealt with those demons he might still be stuck in the same revolving door pattern he developed all those years ago. For his sake I really hope that's not the case. It would be rather sad at his age to still be living a life as a cowardly fighter.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

Taking The Family To The Zoo

My wife and I had plans to spend this Labor Day together as a family. One of her friends had invited us to an outing that her church was having at their church camp which required about a forty minute drive from Tulsa. The church was supposed to be having a free cookout and had buses that would transport everyone there. Once we got up this morning I had her call her friend and it was discovered that in actuality the food and drinks would cost an unknown sum. Her friend and her family had gotten up late so they were going to drive there and then leave at about two o'clock. The bus however wouldn't be returning until five PM.

Faced with this news and the idea of spending all that time in the heat, most of it with people we didn't know, coupled with fact that we didn't know how much the food would cost or what activities would be available, we made the only sensible decision we could and elected not to go. Instead we chose to go to the Tulsa Zoo which would cost us far less since we have a family membership there. That means no entrance fee to Mohawk Park and the zoo. We did have to pay for tickets to ride the train (a must after tromping around for several hours in the heat) and a small fee for the merry go round that my son just had to ride. I couldn't deny him this tiny extravagance.

Since we had brought our own water we were not subject to the price gouging that is called buying drinks at the zoo.  The main drawbacks for this visit were that there were quite a few exhibits that were empty and more that had different animals than the ones listed on the signs. Oh and the heat. Did I mention how hot it was? It seemed as if were at least a hundred degrees which was what was in the weather forecast. It turns out that it was one hundred and four degrees in Tulsa today. Honestly there are fewer things I dread more than spending a lot of time marching around in this kind of heat. It's not my idea of fun. Still, the idea was to spend time together as a family, something that has been dreadfully overdue before this summer.

So instead of spending a lot of hours (not to mention an unknown quantity of money) in the heat and company of (mostly) strangers, we traded that for spending a few hours (and dollars) less in the heat with a lot of strangers. At least at the zoo though we were free to go where we wished at our leisure and interact as we saw fit. Personally I don't really care much for the zoo. I think it's sad that these animals are held captive in a usually too small enclosure just for our enjoyment. I'd hate to live a life with that kind of boredom, although some might say that I had already done that in my period of near hermetic seclusion after the failure of my first marriage.

But this is the way things are in the world and the idea was to spend some quality time with the family which was accomplished. The best I can try to do is to educate my son about animals and expose him to other cultures and countries. That way he can make up his mind and think for himself down the road. Right now he just enjoys seeing new things and learning as much as he can. That's the number one thing I can try and instill in him. If I do my job right and am lucky he'll turn out to be a pretty good guy which is the most I can do. I think I'm on the right path. I just pray I can stay there.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

They Say That Love Is Pain....

While on my way to church today I was listening to a song by The Slackers called "You Don't Know I" and part of a lyric got me thinking. The song says "they say that love is pain" and as I sat in church I started to think about it. It's true that love can be painful when it is not returned or when it was there but no longer is. It can even be painful when one is with the wrong person. But perhaps we need to also look at how we define love. Instead of merely seeing it as between two people we should realize that we love our families, our friends and those that are in our church, albeit in different ways.

When viewed that way the lyric can take upon itself a different point of view. Within a family love can be painful when a member of the family falls away because they have found something else to occupy their life and it consumes them. My younger sister has had a battle for most of her adult life with drugs even though she would only admit it on rare occasions. She ended up with drugs being more important to her than her own daughters whom she was not there for and let others raise. There is much pain there. My nieces love their mother on one level however they also know on another level that she cannot be trusted to tell the truth about anything or even show up clean for important events in their lives. They have suffered with the idea that their mother was not there for them no matter what they did to try and let her know that they needed her, no matter how much they loved her.

I won't even pretend to act like I know why my sister is this way because I have no idea. The three of us (there is also an older sister) went through the same things however they impacted us all in different ways. For myself I became very introverted and had no belief or faith in myself, no self confidence and thought that I wasn't good enough for other people to even like. Whatever she has felt she chose to try and fill what was empty with drugs and that never will work for very long. It's a short term solution to a long term problem. Amazingly she has never hit rock bottom, never sunken low enough to try and make something of her life or to be a part of her children's life. Perhaps she never will.

She has her own pain to deal with and this is the manner she has chosen. I think we all do this in different ways. If you are unhappy because you work a horrible job that is intentionally putting out products that you know will harm people in the long run or you are stealing money from clients then no matter how much you act like it doesn't bother you it does, somewhere deep down below and that knowledge manifests itself in varied ways. Addiction is the usual path but people can be addicted to so many things. We often think of addiction as only to drugs, alcohol (okay it is a drug too), porn, sex and things like that but there is also addiction to eating, to living life on the edge or to religion. You can be addicted to anything, even so called good things.


Anything can be taken to an extreme when you are unfulfilled, living a life that you don't want to live, being a person that you don't want to be. Kurt Cobain blew out his brains when his band Nirvana got too big too fast when he simply could have backed off, stopped all of the interviews to people he couldn't respect or didn't want to know. He could have stopped all of the massive touring and the major label nonsense and just made music for himself. Sure he would have made a lot less money but somehow I think that money wasn't all that important to him given how he chose to end it all. I don't know if it would have made him any happier but he couldn't do that.

Love can be wonderful, full of happiness and good times but unfortunately it can also be pain and that can change from one person to another in how it is felt and dealt with. The trick is learning how to accept the pain and grow from it and understand that it is a natural and normal part of life. Just try not to let it happen too much. Other than that try the advice of Joe Rogan and surround yourself with cool people and get all of the fake losers out of your life. You'll be amazed at how much stress and garbage leave your life. It's worth a try.




Published by Don Leach

Red State Kevin Smith

I'd intended to write something about this movie some time ago but like with a lot of things, time got away from me. Kevin Smith is best known for his series of movies featuring the View Askew universe but on this new (and it appears his second to last movie) he has gone in a darker direction. Basically it's the story of three youths who go looking for sex in the wrong place and are set up by an extremely right wing church who believe it's okay to lure people in and presumably torture and/or kill them because they are sinners. To him this is a horror film although it's not a slasher type of film but more about what the people are doing is horrifying.



Just a few days after wrapping the film Smith already had finished editing it and showed it at the cast and crew party and then readied it for Sundance. While there he created a furor when he announced that instead of doing a tour of his normal Q&A he would instead tour the film and then do a Q&A after the viewing. Later he will release the film domestically under his own banner. The fact is that Kevin Smith is attempted to do something new instead of following the Hollywood formula of selling the film and then having the studio that buys it throw millions of dollars into an ad campaign that Smith does not believe will bring any new eyes to the screens. Instead he would rather preach to his audience and base his success or failure on that. I commend him for this attempt and can't wait to see the film. He has been an inspiration to me as I try to get my old butt off the couch and finally start writing some of my ideas down. It doesn't matter if nothing happens with them right now, getting them on paper is the first and most important step. After that, it's all gravy.

For The Good Of All

Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking that was partly spurred on by my niece going to Africa on a mission. No, I’m not talking about a Blues Brothers kind of mission. She has a college scholarship through her church that requires her to go on a month long mission every summer. The first year she went to Honduras and last year I believe she went to Germany. This year she is in Zambia, Africa and is working at an orphanage in a small town. Her flight touched down in Johannesburg, South Africa the day after the World Cup final match and the next day she flew on a puddle hopper to Zambia and then took a bus to the town that she will be staying in and now she is more than halfway through her time there. Personally I am quite proud of her for going all over the world to help out in whatever small way she can. She could have easily bowed out and declined the scholarship once she found out the conditions but instead she embraced the challenge of experiencing different cultures and people which a lot of young people will no longer attempt to do these days.

As I thought about that I also thought about a young employee at my job that recently graduated from Tulsa University and has decided that before he settles down into his profession of choice he wants to go to South Korea for a year to teach English. After that initial year he may even go to Argentina for an additional year. His case isn’t necessarily as altruistic as my nieces is but still, the idea of doing something like this at such a young age intrigues me and has had me wondering if I could have done something like this back in the day. I mean, you get to really learn about a culture incredibly different than your own and not in the false touristy kind of way where you never really connect with people on an individual basis.

Sure, I’ve seen different countries and different cultures but that was mostly when I was in the Army and although the slogan always said it wasn’t just a job but an adventure it was usually the other way around. For some reason I feel that it’s not the same but I really have no realistic idea why. I mean, in Germany although I did go to some castles and such I also would go to restaurants, record stores and so forth and try to interact with people. When I went to Spain for a week I have to admit that it was a tourist place and there wasn’t much of an attempt to see the “real” Spain but at least I can say I went there. During the first Gulf War in Saudi Arabia I had a handful of experiences with refugees and workers from other countries (as well as a very brief meeting with 2 Iraqi prisoners of war at a field hospital) but I can’t say I got to know them at all. Then two years ago I was able to go with my wife and our son to her native country of Peru where I did get to meet and interact with people in a real life setting which was very cool.

Regardless of why or where I’ve gone I always attempt to understand that foreign countries are just different and that I can’t compare them to where I am from or what I am used to. I feel that you just have to accept them for the way they are and enjoy the experience. Otherwise, why go in the first place? It seems to me to be pretty silly to go to a foreign country and then only try to be around people from your country that speak your language. For instance, a few years back while mindlessly flipping through tv channels I came across one of those “Judge” shows on which an older couple was suing their travel agent because they didn’t have a good time on their trip to Mexico even though they ignored her advice and told her to book them at a specific resort. One of their prime complaints was that while there they came in contact with too many Mexicans………………… I mean, really? You don’t want to see or hear people from that country? That’s one of the great problems with people from my country. They want to go to foreign lands and see many wondrous and beautiful things but only if the people there can speak English to them and have things done in the (North) American way.

Ah well, since I’ve strayed from my original thoughts I guess it’s as good a time as any to end this meandering and go to bed for the night. Before I know it my son will be waking me up but at least I can go to bed dreaming that perhaps he can one day do good things and learn to accept people and cultures for what they are, not where they are.