while I was young
life was hell
falling asleep at night
listening to you rant
how i was no good
"i'll send you to your father"
even though you didn't
know where he was
for a bad grade
you yelled at me
then gave me the same
when i got a good one
the wrong lesson learned
it's better not to try
with my shared name
secrets passed over me
life lived oblivious
left out always excluded
is it a wonder
it took me so long
to learn my truth
recovery can be a bitch
reflecting on time
raising three young children
i see the difficulties
you had to live with
no help from the runaway
man that chose you
society looked down
it's long nose
the short supply of money
engulfed by life's demands
the pain and anger
left on your shoulders
is it any wonder
it came our way
spilling over the levy
overwhelming your defenses
you didn't know
how to cope
the world wasn't fair
life even less so
it's the only way
you knew to fight back
Written and Published by Don Leach.
May not be used without permission from the author.
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Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Friday, February 25, 2011
Family Can Be A Strange Thing
Growing up my family was never particularly close. We just weren't an affectionate family. We never hugged or kissed each other nor did we say "I love you." Now that we're older we do hug and say "I love you" however I only talk to my mother and older sister about once a week or so. I couldn't even tell you when the last time I spoke with my younger sister was but that's for different reasons. In this case it's her choice to keep away from the family no matter how much it hurts the rest of us. I can't really explain it, only she can. She's never even met my wife and son but that's for her to deal with, I only think of it occasionally now.
My wife talks to her mother who lives in Pennsylvania just about every day and then to her brother Gary every so often. Since he's in Peru it makes it a bit harder but hopefully soon we can make it easier once we switch our phone service to a different provider and she can get a plan to call to Peru as much as she wants. I don't get to talk to her brother much but we've got a lot in common, the least of which is our admiration for most things Star Wars. Plus our son adored him when we were able to go for a visit two years ago. He also writes a blog and if you want to check it out just go here. It will behoove you to speak Spanish although it's not necessarily required. After all, I don't hablo very much (which is a shame) but all I have to do is copy his text and go to a translation program like the one Google has. Sure, it loses a little something in the translation but I can get his point pretty easily.
We're both doing our writing thing although in different ways. I'm finally starting to work on my script ideas and he's working on a novel. In fact, I can't wait for him to finish it so that I can read it. Perhaps that will be a good reason for me to finally get serious about learning Spanish. I know that if we were ever to move to Peru I would have a good friend and confidant in him, someone that I could discuss ideas with and get sound advice from. I guess the best thing I can say is that I respect him as a writer and a person. That's about the highest praise I can give anyone.
I must add that the idea of moving to Peru does appeal to me but I'd have to find a way to do it financially. It doesn't cost as much to have a nice living there as it does here but I'd have to be able to come back to the U.S. at least two to three times a year to visit friends and family. There are many beautiful and wonderful things to see and do in Peru however one must also keep in mind the dangers that are there as well. Still, as long as you understand that Peru is it's own country with it's own traditions and ways of doing things and not attempt to judge it by the standards of where you live then you really can experience it completely. The U.S. is the U.S. Peru is Peru. Learn to understand that and life can be pretty sweet.
My wife talks to her mother who lives in Pennsylvania just about every day and then to her brother Gary every so often. Since he's in Peru it makes it a bit harder but hopefully soon we can make it easier once we switch our phone service to a different provider and she can get a plan to call to Peru as much as she wants. I don't get to talk to her brother much but we've got a lot in common, the least of which is our admiration for most things Star Wars. Plus our son adored him when we were able to go for a visit two years ago. He also writes a blog and if you want to check it out just go here. It will behoove you to speak Spanish although it's not necessarily required. After all, I don't hablo very much (which is a shame) but all I have to do is copy his text and go to a translation program like the one Google has. Sure, it loses a little something in the translation but I can get his point pretty easily.
We're both doing our writing thing although in different ways. I'm finally starting to work on my script ideas and he's working on a novel. In fact, I can't wait for him to finish it so that I can read it. Perhaps that will be a good reason for me to finally get serious about learning Spanish. I know that if we were ever to move to Peru I would have a good friend and confidant in him, someone that I could discuss ideas with and get sound advice from. I guess the best thing I can say is that I respect him as a writer and a person. That's about the highest praise I can give anyone.
I must add that the idea of moving to Peru does appeal to me but I'd have to find a way to do it financially. It doesn't cost as much to have a nice living there as it does here but I'd have to be able to come back to the U.S. at least two to three times a year to visit friends and family. There are many beautiful and wonderful things to see and do in Peru however one must also keep in mind the dangers that are there as well. Still, as long as you understand that Peru is it's own country with it's own traditions and ways of doing things and not attempt to judge it by the standards of where you live then you really can experience it completely. The U.S. is the U.S. Peru is Peru. Learn to understand that and life can be pretty sweet.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Please Not Again.........
This past Friday night as I was finishing my dinner break at work I received a call from my mother. She wanted to tell me that my sister, Teresa, was in the hospital and had been since the previous evening. My heart immediately jumped into my throat. If you notice my previous few posts you’ll see that it had been one year since my mother’s near fatal heart attack and my mind instantly went to that situation and I could feel the dread welling up inside me as I waited for her to tell me what could only be extremely bad news. As it turns out it was not life threatening but nevertheless was not pleasant for her either. You see last year Teresa (my older sister by three years) was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. I won’t get into the details of what sent her to the hospital but my mother explained that it was related. Of course my family is always very late in informing each other when something bad has happened to one of us. Usually by the time everyone knows about it the afflicted person is already out of the hospital or almost over their symptoms.
Last year was a very trying time for my family. First my mother almost died from a severe heart attack. Then my son burned his hands on a friends grill. Within a few weeks of that, just a few days before we were to go to my sister’s wedding my car died. While home everyone enjoyed spending time with my son John and he in turn loved being around them. As a matter of fact you could say he flourished with the attention given to him. The only negative thing for me was that my younger sister, Karen, did not show up to see her nephew, her brother and her sister-in-law nor did she see her older sister find happiness and share in that. She has made her choices in her life long ago for the things that are important to her and her children and her family are far down on the list. The day after returning home from my sister’s wedding we had a flat tire on my wife’s car which we had driven home. This caused us to buy a new tire. Next we found out that my car was a lost cause and would have to be replaced even though we did not have the money to do so. After some time sharing the one working car that we now had we were finally able to get an older truck for me. After that came the news that Teresa had Parkinson’s disease.
As you can imagine everything that transpired put us in a financial hole that we spent the rest of the year and the early part of 2010 digging ourselves out of. As a matter of fact it took our tax return to finally pay everything off. From my plane ticket home to see my mother, to the care needed for my sons hands (which his doctor was so wonderful for not charging us for every visit we made to have his bandages changed), to the cost of making a trip home and then a new tire followed by a new (to me) vehicle and then other little things that popped up (a few repairs to the truck) it just kept adding up so that not only was it a drain on our finances but on our marriage as well. Throughout it all I kept trying to keep a positive attitude and tell myself that it could always be worse. My mother could have died. My son’s hands could have been permanently damaged. My sister’s disease could have been further along and the quality of her life could have been worse. The truck could have needed more costly repairs. It goes on and on.
It does no good to bemoan the fact that bad things are happening to you. To question “Why me?” and wallow in misery. It’s much harder to be thankful that nothing worse happened. Still, when I heard my mother say that Teresa was in the hospital, I’ll admit to a few seconds of that sinking feeling that it was all going to start over again. But I was able to quickly correct those thoughts and tell myself to wait until I found out what was wrong and then I could start thinking about what would happen in the near future. Thankfully my sister is out of the hospital and recovering. I know I need to try to follow the idea of “it could always be worse” even though it’s not easy. Truthfully, rarely is anything worth having without effort so I will continue to try. It’s all I can do, no promises though. That’s life.
Last year was a very trying time for my family. First my mother almost died from a severe heart attack. Then my son burned his hands on a friends grill. Within a few weeks of that, just a few days before we were to go to my sister’s wedding my car died. While home everyone enjoyed spending time with my son John and he in turn loved being around them. As a matter of fact you could say he flourished with the attention given to him. The only negative thing for me was that my younger sister, Karen, did not show up to see her nephew, her brother and her sister-in-law nor did she see her older sister find happiness and share in that. She has made her choices in her life long ago for the things that are important to her and her children and her family are far down on the list. The day after returning home from my sister’s wedding we had a flat tire on my wife’s car which we had driven home. This caused us to buy a new tire. Next we found out that my car was a lost cause and would have to be replaced even though we did not have the money to do so. After some time sharing the one working car that we now had we were finally able to get an older truck for me. After that came the news that Teresa had Parkinson’s disease.
As you can imagine everything that transpired put us in a financial hole that we spent the rest of the year and the early part of 2010 digging ourselves out of. As a matter of fact it took our tax return to finally pay everything off. From my plane ticket home to see my mother, to the care needed for my sons hands (which his doctor was so wonderful for not charging us for every visit we made to have his bandages changed), to the cost of making a trip home and then a new tire followed by a new (to me) vehicle and then other little things that popped up (a few repairs to the truck) it just kept adding up so that not only was it a drain on our finances but on our marriage as well. Throughout it all I kept trying to keep a positive attitude and tell myself that it could always be worse. My mother could have died. My son’s hands could have been permanently damaged. My sister’s disease could have been further along and the quality of her life could have been worse. The truck could have needed more costly repairs. It goes on and on.
It does no good to bemoan the fact that bad things are happening to you. To question “Why me?” and wallow in misery. It’s much harder to be thankful that nothing worse happened. Still, when I heard my mother say that Teresa was in the hospital, I’ll admit to a few seconds of that sinking feeling that it was all going to start over again. But I was able to quickly correct those thoughts and tell myself to wait until I found out what was wrong and then I could start thinking about what would happen in the near future. Thankfully my sister is out of the hospital and recovering. I know I need to try to follow the idea of “it could always be worse” even though it’s not easy. Truthfully, rarely is anything worth having without effort so I will continue to try. It’s all I can do, no promises though. That’s life.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
One Year Ago.............
One year ago on a Monday my mother suffered an extremely serious heart attack that was nearly fatal. As a matter of fact if my older sister hadn't been reasonably close by and answered her cellphone I am convinced that our mother would have died on her front porch. She had been having chest pain and saw her doctor earlier in the day but after doing an EKG the doctor told her that it probably wasn't her heart and sent her home. Hours later as she talked to my sister, my mother refused to go to the ER because she said that the doctor had told her that it wasn't her heart and so my mother felt that it would be a waste of time and money to go to the ER. My sister talked again with her later and she was worse so my sister told her that she was hanging up and calling 911. My mother didn't want her to hang up and when my sister called her back she said that she felt like she was dying and stopped communicating with her.
When my sister got to her house the ambulance was already there and had initiated emegency procedures. The hospital was on the line and when they pulled in the staff was there ready and waiting and had everything prepared to start treating her immediately. She had a heart cath and had stents put in and we didn't know if she would make it or not. My sister called me at work after Mom was at the hospital but I wasn't able to fly out until the next afternoon because I had to make arrangements with the babysitter for my son. After arriving in Lexington, Ky it was a little over an hours drive from the airport and my niece and brother in law (to be) picked me up and we raced home. It was late when we got there and visiting hours were over but the doctor had given me authorization to see her because it was unknown at this point if she would be able to pull through.
It was touch and go for awhile but in the following days she started to make her recovery and the doctor was amazed that she was able to come back so quickly after suffering such a severe heart attack. I ended up staying until Saturday and by that point she had been moved out of the intensive care and it was clear that she would recover. She was released from the hospital a few days later. I have to say that she's a tough old lady and it amazes me that she was able to recover and resume her life.
I feel certain that she was minutes if not seconds away from dying. There are so many "ifs" involved in this story. If the hospital staff hadn't been as prepared as they were then she would have died. If the ambulance crew had arrived a little bit later then she would have died. And the biggest one of them all, if my sister hadn't answered her cellphone (which is not uncommon for her) then my mother would have died that day. I have said a lot of prayers and given a lot of thanks since that day. Who knows why things worked out the way they did? I'm just glad that they did.
Over the course of the year I can see where we family members have gotten complacent again, after all, it is human nature. I for one haven't gone to the doctor to get checked out nor have I started excercising as I should. I'm overweight and don't get out a lot which doesn't bode well for the future especially since after Mom having her heart attack I found out that there was a history of heart disease in the family which I was unaware of. At the very least for my sons sake I owe him the chance at having me fully functioning so that I can be there for him as he grows up. I know I have to make some changes but it's hard to escape from patterns of behavior that have been going on for decades. Slowly but surely I got into this condition so I need to slowly but surely pull myself out of it. All I need is to get serious and look at my inspiration...............
When my sister got to her house the ambulance was already there and had initiated emegency procedures. The hospital was on the line and when they pulled in the staff was there ready and waiting and had everything prepared to start treating her immediately. She had a heart cath and had stents put in and we didn't know if she would make it or not. My sister called me at work after Mom was at the hospital but I wasn't able to fly out until the next afternoon because I had to make arrangements with the babysitter for my son. After arriving in Lexington, Ky it was a little over an hours drive from the airport and my niece and brother in law (to be) picked me up and we raced home. It was late when we got there and visiting hours were over but the doctor had given me authorization to see her because it was unknown at this point if she would be able to pull through.
It was touch and go for awhile but in the following days she started to make her recovery and the doctor was amazed that she was able to come back so quickly after suffering such a severe heart attack. I ended up staying until Saturday and by that point she had been moved out of the intensive care and it was clear that she would recover. She was released from the hospital a few days later. I have to say that she's a tough old lady and it amazes me that she was able to recover and resume her life.
I feel certain that she was minutes if not seconds away from dying. There are so many "ifs" involved in this story. If the hospital staff hadn't been as prepared as they were then she would have died. If the ambulance crew had arrived a little bit later then she would have died. And the biggest one of them all, if my sister hadn't answered her cellphone (which is not uncommon for her) then my mother would have died that day. I have said a lot of prayers and given a lot of thanks since that day. Who knows why things worked out the way they did? I'm just glad that they did.
Over the course of the year I can see where we family members have gotten complacent again, after all, it is human nature. I for one haven't gone to the doctor to get checked out nor have I started excercising as I should. I'm overweight and don't get out a lot which doesn't bode well for the future especially since after Mom having her heart attack I found out that there was a history of heart disease in the family which I was unaware of. At the very least for my sons sake I owe him the chance at having me fully functioning so that I can be there for him as he grows up. I know I have to make some changes but it's hard to escape from patterns of behavior that have been going on for decades. Slowly but surely I got into this condition so I need to slowly but surely pull myself out of it. All I need is to get serious and look at my inspiration...............
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