There Should Be A Lesson To Learn Here

My wife wanted us to go together to some of her favorite stores last night so that she could look at some things. Now when I say things I simply mean that I didn't know what she wanted to look at and even after going with her I'm still not sure I know. This is an area where we clearly show that we have two very different parts of our personalities and she doesn't seem to grasp the idea that perhaps it's not such a good idea for us to try and do these things together (or more correctly "her way"). Her way entails her telling me she wants to go to a store as we pass the entrance and I'm in the far left lane going about forty miles an hour. Then she gets upset at me because I dare to question her about cutting over two lanes to turn into the parking lot. If I were to pull a move like that on my own she'd be yelling and screaming at my horrible driving.

She enjoys going from store to store idly looking at things that she doesn't have any desire to buy. She also enjoys going to look at things that she would like to buy even though we don't have any money to spend. She says this is just to keep up to date on prices, etc. I'm the complete opposite, I only want to go when I have the money to spend AND there is something that is needed. I do not enjoy going from store to store either. My preference is to go to one store and if I think it's a good price then that's as far as I go. I am a man after all. Invariably this leads to a fight disagreement between us and her telling me how boring I am which tends to tick me off. Then the mood is destroyed for all. Great night out huh?

After almost eight years of marriage every so often she still thinks it's a good idea for us to go do these things together. I on the other hand quite strongly disagree. I feel that this is something we should not do because one of us (me) doesn't enjoy it. If the situation were reversed you can be sure that I would not want her to accompany me doing something that she does not enjoy. I've told her that many times. She's asked me why I just can't pretend to enjoy myself and go along with things. The answer is that I cannot be fake, I can't act like I enjoy something or like someone when I don't. Why would I want to be miserable doing something that bores me to tears or even worse, why would I want to make somebody come along that would be likewise bored. Life is too short for that.

For example, once my family was taking my mother to a concert, a mainstream country concert. Even though I detested this kind of music (and they all knew it) I went along because it was for my mother. I guess I felt guilty that I wasn't being a good son if I didn't go along. I hated every second of the time I was at that show. Do you think my slouching in my seat with this look of pained irritation on my face helped anybody else enjoy themselves? Not bloody likely. No, I couldn't sit there and pretend that I was having a good time. I just can't fake it and I don't want to be around people that do fake it because it only will lead to them bringing down your good time. Who wants that?

I would much rather you know for a fact that if I am there then it means that I enjoy doing this thing, be it a concert, someones presence or whatever it is. That way there is no repressed feelings of resentment, no simmering anger barely held in check, no smart ass comments to be made at anothers expense. My way lets everybody know where they stand so that there shouldn't be any hurt feelings by any of the parties. To me it's not worth fighting over why you don't want to go along with the program. Don't make it a big deal and it won't be a big deal. So if I'm not at your party or whatever then please realize it's because I'm just not a party person and let it go.  Life is much simpler that way. There's enough crap going on without adding to it by getting offended for no good reason. Make the world a happier place by being real.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.