The Unspoken Dress Code And A Sense Of Not Fitting In

Saturday was the Priesthood session of General Conference at my church. I had not attended for the last two years and since I recently had become a teacher in the Elders Quorum I decided that I should be there. In true fashion however I chose to go wearing my jeans and a polo style shirt. I was the odd man out in a sea of dark suits and white dress shirts. Sure, there was the occasional different colored shirt but by and large the white shirt paired with a tie or a complete suit is the norm. Nobody can accuse me of being the norm, certainly not in church.

I was late as usual (that didn't use to happen) and when I came into the back of the room I hesitated and then chose to stay by the doorway. I recognized that the reason for this was that looking into the room I felt alone and out of place. When I first joined the church before very long I found myself to be one of those members wearing a dress shirt, tie and slacks almost without realizing it. I've never felt comfortable dressed up and certainly not with a tie. They always seem to be choking me, a constant reminder tugging at my mind, distracting me from what I should be concentrating on.

At some point I realized I was not satisfied with this situation and I stopped wearing a tie. It was liberating to say the least however it wasn't long before I came to understand that it wasn't enough. I needed to be me, not some image of what I or anybody else thought a church member should be. So slowly but surely I've been testing the waters and so far it's been good. When I first started coming to this ward I met Mikey and we became friends and on the first day that I wore my jeans he thanked me, saying that now he didn't feel so out of place. You see, Mikey also doesn't dress in conventional "church" attire, nor is he the standard Mormon, but he's a cool person with a great heart and a strong desire to become a better person. He also teaches Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and used to fight MMA in the UFC.

I feel that there is this unwritten dress code that seems to be in effect in the church. Nobody tells you that you have to dress in any particular way. Nobody comes down on you or even says anything, at least not that I've seen. However it's still there, on the periphery, lurking at the edge of my consciousness. I know for certain that you cannot pass the sacrament unless you are wearing at a minimum slacks, a white dress shirt and a tie. Perhaps I feel this way because this style of dress is so prevalent that you cannot help but notice when someone is different, that they don't look the same as almost everyone else. Maybe I'm only imagining this unspoken pressure because of my own insecurities. I guess that anything is possible.

At any rate, until I'm told something different I will continue to dress as I feel like on that particular day. If at any time I'm informed I need to dress differently because I'm a teacher or for me to gain passage to another class well, I'll have to address that issue at that time, but I don't see myself going back to what was so uncomfortable both physically and mentally for me. The most important thing is that I'm there right? Ready to learn with the right attitude and spirit. There is something to be said for individuality and I guess I'll be one of the poster boys for it in church.

By the way, during the Priesthood session my quorum president came back to talk with me for a few moments and after he went back in and took his seat he pulled another chair next to him and motioned for me to come on in and sit, thereby showing me that indeed the most important thing was that I was there and that I should feel comfortable and accepted. That's how I took it and I appreciated the gesture. I just need to get more comfortable in my own skin I guess.

Written and Published by Don Leach

Japan, Tsunami, Athletes Who Talk Too Much

A lot has been written lately by better writers than myself about the insanity that's been going on in Japan so the the only thing that I'll add is how unbelievable it all is. The force that the tsunami hit with, how fast the water rose and all the damage it caused was bad enough but now with the damage to the nuclear reactors and their leaks/meltdowns is just so hard to believe. I can only pray and hope that the damage can be contained before too much more death and destruction is suffered.

Some things have been bothering me recently about sports figures in the United States and how they've been opening their mouths only to insert their feet in them. Too often they speak without thinking first or wrongly assume that because they have some level of success and then subsequently tons of attention given to them that it means that everybody else in the world should hear what they have to say. The following people were oh so wrong to assume that.


First is Adrian Peterson, one of the top running backs in the National Football League who made 3.64 million dollars last year and is scheduled to make 10.72 million dollars this year (providing there is a season) had this to say about the league's labor situation: "It's modern day slavery, you know? People kind of laugh at that, but there are people working at regular jobs who get treated the same way too. With all that money...the owners are trying to get a different percentage and bring in more money." So Adrian is saying that people working regular jobs get the same treatment as these star athletes do and that's the same as slavery. I'm wondering if this treatment that he receives, such as millions of dollars, endorsement deals, being catered to in every aspect of his life, is the same as people earning a low wage, being made to work extra hours just to scrape by and pay their bills without ever moving forward in their lives. Somehow it just doesn't seem the same to me.



A basketball player at Brigham Young University was removed from the team because he broke the schools honor code. Most colleges in America do not have an honor code and if they do it's usually ignored at best when it comes to athletes and their activities. However not at BYU. This is a private college that values their image of students who live a clean cut life. After this occurred professional basketball player Amare Stoudemire went to twitter to voice his displeasure. He railed against BYU saying "Don't ever go to BYU. They kick a young educated (black) brother OUT OF SCHOOL. The kid had premarital sex. Not suspended. Not release. Wow!" A second post said "P.S. With his girlfriend. Come on BYU don't kick the kid out of school. Let's be honest he is in college. Let the kid live a little." The only thing wrong with this is that BYU didn't kick the player out of school. They suspended him from the team and a disciplinary committee will meet later to determine in he will be kicked out of school or if other disciplinary action is warranted. BYU has strong religious beliefs and every student as well as every athlete recruited there, are made well aware of what they are. The athlete and regular students must abide by them in exactly the same manner and if they don't want to or don't think it's right then they have the choice to go to school elsewhere. They don't have to come to BYU. By the way, what does the honor code say at BYU? It requires students to be honest, live a chaste and virtuous life, use clean language, abstain from alcoholic beverages, tobacco, tea, coffee and illegal substances and attend church regularly IF they are a member of the church. These are the beliefs of the LDS church (BYU is run by the church) and what they expect of their members as well. If you don't abide by them all it's your personal choice and doesn't necessarily mean you will be kicked out of the church, especially if you aren't overt about it. But anything is possible. They just expect people in their church and those attending their college to try and live a better life. And if you don't like it you are free to live as you want just go to a different school. By the way Stoudemire, it didn't take you very long to play the race card, would you have been so interested if the player had been white? Or how about if it was just a regular student and not an athlete? Somehow I don't think so.


Lastly, a U.S. basketball player has been forced to apologize after her tasteless Twitter comments following the Japanese earthquake and tsunami. Cappie Pondexter who plays in the WNBA tweeted "What if God was tired of the way they treated their own people in there (sic) own country! Idk guys he makes no mistakes." "U just never knw! They did Pearl harbor so u can't expect anthing lss." After someone complained she asked them "r u jap?" as if that would matter. In her apology (and I use that term loosely) she said she didn't realize her words could be interpreted in the manner in which they were. How else could they be interpreted I ask? It's pretty clear what she meant. She isn't leaving a lot to the imagination. Then she goes on to say she's a spiritual person (clearly) and that even disasters happen for a reason and God's will shouldn't be questioned. Wow, what an apology. She did everything except well, apologize and even in this she had to be forced to do it. So let me get this straight, God decided over 68 years after Pearl Harbor was attacked that it was time for a little payback, a little revenge? And here I thought that perhaps having 2 ATOMIC BOMBS dropped on Japan was revenge enough. Apparently I was mistaken. The god I believe in doesn't deal in revenge or anything negative like that and lets us make our own choices so maybe her god and mine are different.

Everybody has a right to think and feel the way they want to no matter how strange or unpopular it is however they should at least put some thought into it before opening their mouths or else they can come off looking like an idiot. I know in this day and age of instant access it's easy to get inflamed about something and make an unresearched comment about it immediately but just remember that when you speak out of ignorance, is it any wonder that you end up sounding ignorant? That even applies to me making this post.

Published by Don Leach