The Unspoken Dress Code And A Sense Of Not Fitting In

Saturday was the Priesthood session of General Conference at my church. I had not attended for the last two years and since I recently had become a teacher in the Elders Quorum I decided that I should be there. In true fashion however I chose to go wearing my jeans and a polo style shirt. I was the odd man out in a sea of dark suits and white dress shirts. Sure, there was the occasional different colored shirt but by and large the white shirt paired with a tie or a complete suit is the norm. Nobody can accuse me of being the norm, certainly not in church.

I was late as usual (that didn't use to happen) and when I came into the back of the room I hesitated and then chose to stay by the doorway. I recognized that the reason for this was that looking into the room I felt alone and out of place. When I first joined the church before very long I found myself to be one of those members wearing a dress shirt, tie and slacks almost without realizing it. I've never felt comfortable dressed up and certainly not with a tie. They always seem to be choking me, a constant reminder tugging at my mind, distracting me from what I should be concentrating on.

At some point I realized I was not satisfied with this situation and I stopped wearing a tie. It was liberating to say the least however it wasn't long before I came to understand that it wasn't enough. I needed to be me, not some image of what I or anybody else thought a church member should be. So slowly but surely I've been testing the waters and so far it's been good. When I first started coming to this ward I met Mikey and we became friends and on the first day that I wore my jeans he thanked me, saying that now he didn't feel so out of place. You see, Mikey also doesn't dress in conventional "church" attire, nor is he the standard Mormon, but he's a cool person with a great heart and a strong desire to become a better person. He also teaches Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and used to fight MMA in the UFC.

I feel that there is this unwritten dress code that seems to be in effect in the church. Nobody tells you that you have to dress in any particular way. Nobody comes down on you or even says anything, at least not that I've seen. However it's still there, on the periphery, lurking at the edge of my consciousness. I know for certain that you cannot pass the sacrament unless you are wearing at a minimum slacks, a white dress shirt and a tie. Perhaps I feel this way because this style of dress is so prevalent that you cannot help but notice when someone is different, that they don't look the same as almost everyone else. Maybe I'm only imagining this unspoken pressure because of my own insecurities. I guess that anything is possible.

At any rate, until I'm told something different I will continue to dress as I feel like on that particular day. If at any time I'm informed I need to dress differently because I'm a teacher or for me to gain passage to another class well, I'll have to address that issue at that time, but I don't see myself going back to what was so uncomfortable both physically and mentally for me. The most important thing is that I'm there right? Ready to learn with the right attitude and spirit. There is something to be said for individuality and I guess I'll be one of the poster boys for it in church.

By the way, during the Priesthood session my quorum president came back to talk with me for a few moments and after he went back in and took his seat he pulled another chair next to him and motioned for me to come on in and sit, thereby showing me that indeed the most important thing was that I was there and that I should feel comfortable and accepted. That's how I took it and I appreciated the gesture. I just need to get more comfortable in my own skin I guess.

Written and Published by Don Leach

It's A Small World Sometimes

Recently I've reconnected with an old Army friend via Facebook. We were stationed at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C. in the early to mid 90s where he was in medical maintenance and I was in personnel records. We were roommates as well living in the Maryland Suburbs and as a matter of fact I was one of his best men at his wedding. I left the military in 1995 and the last I knew he had been sent to Germany for a tour. After that we drifted apart (this was before email was so prevalent) as it happens to so many people. From time to time I would try to look him up on the internet but I never had any luck.

Then came Facebook which I resisted for as long as I could. We've now found each other and are starting to catch up on each others lives and in doing so found out a funny little thing. We both are now Mormons and it appears that we both were introduced to the church by our now wives (singular for each of us not plural). It's a small, small world sometimes. Now, some might be thinking that didn't I just say that I went to see Megadeth, Anthrax and Slayer in concert and Iron Maiden before that? Yeah, so what's your point? I am not the most conventional Mormon out there it is true but honestly too many people think that if you're a member of the church, any church, then you can't like music like that. Well I think you're wrong but that's just my opinion. What somebody likes and dislikes is their business and who am I to stick my nose in it? After all, it seems that a ton of people like Air Supply and I can't stand them at all but it doesn't mean I look down my nose at them. Well, maybe just a little.

So soon we'll be talking over the phone and we can catch up on all the little details of our lives. I'm not one to question when something good like this happens, I just plan on enjoying it. It's a good time for it for me too. Just when you need something, there it is.