notmovingpictures Episode 076: Problems, I've Got Them

Problems. Everybody has them and so do I. Allow me to vent.



Opening music: Alloy - Live To See The Day
Closing music: Grant Hart - Morningstar

Email: notmovingpictures@gmail.com  Twitter: @notmovingpics
Blog: www.notmovingpictures.blogspot.com

Older episodes of the podcast can be found at www.archive.org. Just search for notmovingpictures.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

At Last It All Comes Together

Clearly you can see that I haven’t been writing or podcasting much later. The long and short of it is my laptop bit the big one and is down for the count. It has a black screen and beeps seven times, pauses, then repeats ad infinitum. Until I get the time to investigate it more thoroughly or the money to fix it outright I’m having to do without.

The problem is everything that had to do with my podcasts (intro music, descriptions, list of songs played, archived episodes, etc) are on there along with a ton of music that is for now unavailable to me. Even worse is all of the pictures and videos of my family and other things that I’ve done that aren’t backed up anywhere else. Piling even more on is all the things that I’ve written such as my lyrics, spoken word, movie scripts, stories and blog stuff. As you can see this makes for a rather disconcerting time for me.

In order to do something with the time I would have otherwise spent on these endeavors I’ve been consoling myself by putting together my office/mancave. Well, really it’s just the third bedroom in our house that until recently had been occupied by a friend of my wife. She moved out (the friend not the wife) on pretty short notice and immediately I seized the opportunity and started making it over in my image.

The best thing has been that as I’ve been able to consolidate all of my music in this one place. Ever since we’ve been married my music has been spread out all over the house (and garage and truck) out of necessity. One of the pleasant by products from this gathering is I’m finding a lot of stuff that I had forgotten all about and I get to re-discover it all over again. Unfortunately I’ve also found quite a few empty cd cases for some good groups that I just cannot find the cd’s for. Time will tell but for now I’ve got some focus and a purpose and that feels pretty good to me.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

The Nameless Faceless Boy

          He was a small lad and even as he gained his age he never quite made it to the levels achieved by others. Still, his stature (or lack thereof) was perfectly suited to aid him in his quest to go unnoticed as he slid and skulked down the back hallways of the school. After all, attention only brought about humiliation and pain, both the mental and physical kind. Bullies were always a plentiful commodity. Different groups had their own nicknames for him and others like him. They always thought they were so funny and cool. Years later if pressed his classmates could only admit that they knew of him without really knowing him. Although they found this to be a peculiar thought, rarely, if ever, would one of them actually spend any time ruminating over him. It just wasn’t done. After all, his kind was beneath them. It just wasn't done. If they had bothered to take even a few moments to speak with him they would have found underneath the shyness and insecurity an intelligent, gentle and surprisingly caring young man. Of course they never did, speak to him that is. It was far easier to ignore him until one of the more aggressive classmates chose to publicly humiliate him. Then they merely laughed at him.

          As a matter of fact it was doubtful that any of them noticed when he left school, never to return. There were no questions regarding if he had moved, if he was sick or injured or what exactly had happened to him. One day he was there and the next he was gone. Poof, like magic. They neither cared or even noticed his disappearance. Life continued on as usual, another of the lost ones fell into his place. After all, the”haves” always need someone to be the focus of their unwanted attention. So another unnamed one took his place and he fell between the cracks of their memory. As far as they were concerned he no longer existed. Except he did of course. He traveled to another place. Another counselor lamented that she wished she could have gotten to him sooner so that he could have reached his full potential. He managed to continue his incognito ways although he did slightly peak out of his shell. There he began the long trek to become who he should have always been. The process was a long one but in the end he learned that it's never to late to make an impact. It's never too late to realize your dreams. It's never too late to become the person you want to be. It's never too late no matter what they say. The only one who can hold you back is you. So let yourself go just like he did.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

A New Year Brings New Plans

2013 has been kind a down year for me at least as far as writing is concerned. The new year had ushered in with thoughts of continuing to grow as a writer and podcaster and instead ended up being a series of ideas never fully realized surrounded by a lack of productivity. Now I know I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to being objective concerning my faults and successes but I really feel that I'm being honest and not over analyzing myself. There are so many things that I could have done better and the best that I can hope for now is that I've duly learned some important lessons from my results.

Some things were from a lack of preparation. These would include not investigating and then podcasting while I was in Peru for three weeks in the Summer. That ended up being an opportunity wasted and lost, however at least now I am armed with information for the future and feel that the next time I go I will be more than ready to make my thoughts turn to reality. All was not lost though because it was a wonderful vacation and I got to spend some quality time with my wife (as well as her family) and my son. Look for more in the coming days about that vacation. The food in Peru is wonderful and I really feel that within two to three years we'll be living there. Guess that means I need to get more serious and learn to speak and read Spanish.

My truck has been having problems and they only seemed to get worse as the year moved on. Right before Thanksgiving I took it to a mechanic hoping that all would be well. I was wrong. It turns out he was the wrong mechanic because not only did the problem persist it got worse. Luckily I found another mechanic (a good one this time) and not only did he fix my truck for cheap he did it fast and right. Hopefully the days of having my wife take me to work and then pick me up so that I could take her and our son back home and then returning to work to finish out my shift are over. I can't describe the feeling of once again being able to drive my vehicle when and where I want. Perhaps it's just a mental thing but suddenly I feel free again.

With my truck fixed I now have renewed feelings of positivity and hope and my intent is to follow through in 2014. I want to follow the advice of Steven Pressfield and stop letting my inner resistance win and leave me thinking "what if." What if I had actually done something I'd dreamed up in my mixed cauldron of a brain and let it stand on it's own? Be it a success or a failure the idea is to create and let the rest sort itself out, That is my plan for the new year. I've never been the sort to make resolutions when beginning a new year but this year I sort of feel the need. It isn't necessarily something to be shared with others but that I at least can recognize myself.

So there you have it. With a feeling that anything can be done I intend to write the stories, lyrics and movie scripts that have been floating around my brain for some time. I intend to make my plans for furthering my podcasts and gaining an audience. I intend to investigate my ideas for a t-shirt company and comic books. I intend to do a lot and the only thing I have to hold me to these thoughts is this blog. For myself and anybody else who reads it. It's a lot to do and fairly bold but it can be done. The only thing left is to go and do it. Let's see how that goes this year.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

If I'm Being Honest

Just something that came out today, first draft as always. Seems to be I'm writing a lot of lyrics lately. Coincidence? I think not.

If it all ended today

If you walked away

What could I say

Place the blame all on you

That wouldn’t be the truth

Everybody has their problems

I’ve got my share

But who really cares

It leads to nowhere

I’m just drifting along

Am I really working it out

Or just writing another song

I can’t say…..if I’m being honest

If I’m being honest…..I can’t say

How can you love me

When I’m not even

The person I want to be

How can I love you

When I’m not even

The person I want to be

Lurching forth blindly

There’s never been a plan

At least none I can understand

My heads full of ideas

But I don’t know how

To make anything of them

I don’t want to never

Bring any of them to light

Have them die by fright

I’m held back by the fear

Of losing what I have

The end result becomes the same

I don’t know what I want anymore

I don’t know what I want anymore

I don’t know what I want anymore

I don’t know how long you’ll wait

I don’t want you to hate me

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

First World Problems

Another rough draft of something I came up with this week. Not sure I've nailed it down but the idea is in there somewhere. I call it First World Problems even though the only things listed are really found in Third World countries, at least for now that is. It's kind of a reverse thing.

First World Problems

I didn’t wake up today dreading

The fear of what could come

No dogs hung from a street light

No menacing messages attached

no electricity to light my way

because the plant blew up again

Nobody in my neighborhood

Disappeared into a van

Never to be seen alive again

My first world problems don’t include

The fact that my house is four poles

Covered by plastic walls and a tin roof

No running water, no heat, no air conditioning

Nature gives all that is available

I wasn’t abandoned by my family

Or made to work instead of school

Scraping by to have enough to eat

Grateful for the crumbs that fall to me

My first world problems don't include these

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

Things I Don't Do

I don’t hit you

I don’t call you names

I don’t sleep around

To you it’s all the same

I don’t smoke, do drugs

I don’t drink

I don’t gamble my pay

All the same you think

I don’t go to parties

I don’t stay out late

I don’t sleep around

And yet you start to hate

I don’t pay enough attention

I don’t give enough love

I don’t spend enough time

And that you let go of

I can write the words

But have trouble speaking

I can see my flaws

Too slow to change them

Is it too late

I don’t know

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

A Medical Decision Looms

Two weeks ago I took my wife for an appointment with an orthopedic doctor and the news we received was basically what we expected. She is only forty years old yet her right knee is the knee of an eighty year old. There is no cartilage in her knee at all and you cannot regrow cartilage. At some point in her life she will require a knee replacement. While it is very unusual for someone her age to have this procedure it also is very unusual for someone her age to have a knee this bad.

She has Rheumatoid Arthritis which has been getting progressively worse over the last few years and seemingly as each month has gone by during the last year. Her right knee has been severely swollen for the past few months now and she has been using crutches to help her get around. Pain is a constant foe for her and she cannot do a lot with our son that requires her to move around. As a matter of fact doing simple everyday things like washing dishes or cooking has constantly proven to be a painful problem for her to deal with.

She hasn't been able to work for some time now and before that only sporadically in a job that allowed her to sit most of the time. It stands to reason that it has taken quite a toll on our household economy which in turn affects our marriage and our health as well. Luckily we were able to refinance our house for a lower monthly payment last year that allowed us some breathing room. Basically put, she doesn't have much quality of life and depression is becoming a very real thing to her.

Her options are to get a steroid injection which the doctor would prefer not to do since she just had one in November and it should have lasted longer than it did. If she were to receive another shot it would be the last he would be willing to give her ever because while it can help in the short term it can also cause more problems in the long term. Then she would just have to live with the pain for as long as she could stand it.

The second option is to not have the steroid injection and to live with the pain as long as she is able to. Given the severity of the pain and lack of quality of life that I spoke of earlier that's not much of a choice at all. The third option would be to have the knee replacement surgery now with the knowledge that it will only last ten to fifteen years and will then need to be redone. She would recover within six to eight weeks and be able to regain much if not all of her mobility and be pain free. Perhaps she also could get back some sanity that has been dampened by the thought of having to live with pain (the way she is now) for the rest of her life.

Given these circumstances the decision ultimately was very easy for her to make. Better to have the surgery now and gain some peace of mind, to be able to enjoy her time with our son while he is young, and see what the future will hold when that time comes. With the way medicine and science is progressing it's very likely that when the new knee wears out they will be able to do something amazing that will negate the need for anything further to be done in her lifetime. At least we can hope for that. We go back to see the doctor on Monday to schedule the surgery. Wish her (and our family) luck.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.