Don't Confuse Alone With Lonely

I spent the Christmas holidays by myself, unless of course you count the sporadic visitations of Alex The Cat and I don’t. My wife and son were visiting her cousin in Memphis and unfortunately I couldn’t get time off from work. They tend to not give me time off around the holidays even though I’m the only supervisor in the evenings and those that were on 1st shift jumped on requesting it early. The thing is that when people found out I was going to be alone they began to besiege me with invitations to join them but thankfully, I was able to defer their good intentions. You see, I don’t mind being alone, as a matter of fact I was looking forward to spending some time by myself.

For some reason people tend to confuse alone with lonely. The two are not the same. Time spent by myself is usually that rarest thing where I get to indulge myself. And I did. I stayed up as late as I liked, slept in without being concerned with setting an alarm. I ate pizza on Christmas Eve and Christmas day and since it rained for over two days straight I barely left the house. While I did get two podcasts recorded and ready to go mainly I read or caught up on my Netflix queue. Basically I just did what I wanted when I wanted. I didn’t venture outside until after midnight on Saturday. I finally braved the torrential downpours to get a few groceries and hit Whataburger for some comfort food.

I've said it many times that I'm not a social person not do I care much for celebrating holidays. If it weren't for my wife and son I'd never have a tree up or decorations of any kind around the house. It's just not my thing and there is nothing wrong with that. Not everybody is the same and I feel we should embrace what makes us unique. I'm just trying to be me and stay true to myself. As I get older it seems so clear to me how much unnecessary grief and drama we put ourselves through trying to project an image of what we really are not. Having said that I know that at times I drive my wife crazy with the way I am because she's Peruvian and they are very social people.

So there you have it. I was alone for Christmas and not sad about it. Sure I would have liked to be around my family but since I couldn't be, spending some quality time with myself was a nice option to have.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

notmovingpictures Episode 036: Alone Doesn't Mean Lonely

It's the last day of the year and I've been wondering if I'll get this out in time. Once again it's a solo conversation this time about spending the Christmas holidays by myself while I muse on the idea that alone doesn't mean lonely. Then I delve into the latest Star Wars movie The Force Awakens and why all of the whiners and complainers out there are just wrong about it. Is it a perfect movie? No, but then what is? It is a very good movie in my opinion and it had to bridge the old with the new. It does that very well. There were moments that had me.......well, just listen to the podcast and you'll understand.



Opening Music: Alloy - Live To See The Day
Closing Music: Supernova - Chewbacca

Email: notmovingpictures@gmail.com
Twitter: @notmovingpics
Blog: www.notmovingpictures.blogspot.com

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

The Nameless Faceless Boy

          He was a small lad and even as he gained his age he never quite made it to the levels achieved by others. Still, his stature (or lack thereof) was perfectly suited to aid him in his quest to go unnoticed as he slid and skulked down the back hallways of the school. After all, attention only brought about humiliation and pain, both the mental and physical kind. Bullies were always a plentiful commodity. Different groups had their own nicknames for him and others like him. They always thought they were so funny and cool. Years later if pressed his classmates could only admit that they knew of him without really knowing him. Although they found this to be a peculiar thought, rarely, if ever, would one of them actually spend any time ruminating over him. It just wasn’t done. After all, his kind was beneath them. It just wasn't done. If they had bothered to take even a few moments to speak with him they would have found underneath the shyness and insecurity an intelligent, gentle and surprisingly caring young man. Of course they never did, speak to him that is. It was far easier to ignore him until one of the more aggressive classmates chose to publicly humiliate him. Then they merely laughed at him.

          As a matter of fact it was doubtful that any of them noticed when he left school, never to return. There were no questions regarding if he had moved, if he was sick or injured or what exactly had happened to him. One day he was there and the next he was gone. Poof, like magic. They neither cared or even noticed his disappearance. Life continued on as usual, another of the lost ones fell into his place. After all, the”haves” always need someone to be the focus of their unwanted attention. So another unnamed one took his place and he fell between the cracks of their memory. As far as they were concerned he no longer existed. Except he did of course. He traveled to another place. Another counselor lamented that she wished she could have gotten to him sooner so that he could have reached his full potential. He managed to continue his incognito ways although he did slightly peak out of his shell. There he began the long trek to become who he should have always been. The process was a long one but in the end he learned that it's never to late to make an impact. It's never too late to realize your dreams. It's never too late to become the person you want to be. It's never too late no matter what they say. The only one who can hold you back is you. So let yourself go just like he did.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

Lonely Man

This is something I started last Sunday and after a few days I had the time to look over it. I decided to change nothing for now. Perhaps in the future it may evolve but for now it is what it is. By the way, I was thinking of the song "Every Man For Himself" by Articles Of Faith.

A lonely man
A solitary one
Driven by fear
Pain and suffering
Hard lessons learned
Confusion abounds
Reluctant to change
Separate by choice
Suspicious of motive
Of strangers needs
Cynical and twisted
It comes down to
Controlling life's greed

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

What Do You Mean More Lyrics????

THese go back a few months, nothing has been done with them so I thought why not put them up as they are with no new work done on them? What have I got to lose? No, besides weight.

Broken Down

Broken down and worn out
From an older time different world
One era is done barely begun
Shelved before anyone notices
Thought you got the better end
The bargain wasn’t the deal
Frustrated lonely and unused
Left to your own devices

Is it any wonder
why we win the battles
but lose the war
Is it any wonder
That we’re still here

Weakened from the outside
Attacked and subdivided
Belittled and brought to shame
Where does it all end
Quote the statistics and
Sound the battle cry
Sever all ties instantly
Better to fade away than die

Is it any wonder
why we win the battles
but lose the war
Is it any wonder
We’ve lost the war


Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

The Girl That I Didn't Understand

In late 1991 I re-enlisted in the Army and got to choose my next duty station. The Presidio in San Francisco was available and it was very tempting for a variety of reasons but ultimately I chose Walter Reed Army Medical Center because it was reasonably close to my hometown and my family whom I had not seen a great deal of ever since I first joined the Army. In February of 1992 I left Ft Hood and traveled home for some leave time. The trip itself was quite a story but instead of that I want to talk about someone that I came to refer to as the girl that I didn't understand.

While at home I went out with my younger sister Karen to a bar in Ironton, our hometown. Karen is very different from me. Where I am more reserved and uncomfortable in public she is the exact opposite and can go into a room without knowing anybody and you would swear that she knew every single person in the room. That was the case on this night. We spent some time there and after a while she was standing at the bar and I went up there as well when I noticed this blond girl standing to my left. She was attractive and was mouthing the words to a song playing on the jukebox and staring straight at me.

This had never happened to me before (and hasn't since). I did the classic movie thing of looking behind me to see if there was someone else standing there that she was singing to but there wasn't anybody there. I looked directly into her eyes, pointed to myself and asked her "Me?" She nodded the affirmative. This was foreign territory for me and I wasn't sure what I should do. I mean girls just did not come on to me, ever. I realized that if I let this opportunity pass me by then I'd never let myself live it down so I slid over next to her and started talking.

As I said earlier I've never been comfortable in public settings, especially social ones. I don't like going to places where there are a lot of people, I just feel like I don't belong there. However, she was attractive and I was lonely and was trying to get over the breakup of my marriage so in I went. We talked for some time and I ended up giving her a ride home. Don't get all excited here, nothing happened more than a few moments of intense kissing and then she was gone. We arranged to go on a proper date (to the same bar) and while I enjoyed her company I was not having an overwhelmingly good time as my social anxieties were in full effect. At some point she started playing pool with a guy that she knew and was a friend of one of her friends.

She came up to me and wanted to ask if it was okay if he gave her a ride to her friends house. I'm not exactly a dummy so I knew what was going on, this guy was the type that she was attracted to on a very basic level and she finally had a chance at him. The thing is, even though I was angry that she wanted to ditch out of our date I felt I had no real say in this. This was only our first date, I didn't "own" her, so who was I to say anything. I told her that much and as they piled into his car I spun my tires on the gravel and got out of there, angry at how I had been screwed over again by life and vowed that I'd never talk to her again.

The next day she called me and although I didn't really want to talk to her I did but I tried to be short with my answers. She didn't take the hint though and wanted to meet me at the Ashland mall after she got off of work. Against my better judgment I agreed and at the food court we talked and before I knew it everything was okay, so long as either one of us didn't speak of the night before. If we ignored it then it didn't really happen I guess. We talked about Washington D.C. and how she loved it there and that she'd like to visit me once I got settled in and she could get the time off. A few days later I was on my way to report to my duty station and although I did think of her a little I was pretty busy getting used to my new routine.

A few weeks passed by when I had a knock on my barracks door. There was a phone call for me and you guessed it, it was her. She was coming to town on the next Friday and wanted to see me which did wonders for my mood. I offered to pick her up at the train station but she said her friends were picking her up and that she'd call me as soon as she got to their place so that we could arrange a meeting as soon as possible. All day Friday I was anxious, I couldn't wait for the workday to end. After it did I stayed in my room waiting for the phone call. After more than enough time had passed I started going out to the CQ desk (Charge of Quarters) and asked if there was a message for me. Nothing. I kept checking with them every twenty to thirty minutes and I'm sure they were sick of the sight of me before long.

Eventually I gave up and sank into my bed as I allowed all of the negative thoughts to swarm over me. The big question was why? Why do any of this if she had no real interest in me. Why call me at all if she didn't intend to follow through? Why call if she wasn't sure she'd even have time to see me? Was she ever interested in me or was this all just a big game to her? It's possible that she lost my number or that there was some kind of accident (the train didn't crash, I checked) but the best I could surmise was that I was her backup plan and she didn't end up needing me. The only thing that was clear was that my already fragile ego was at an all time low and didn't look to be improving anytime soon. No answers were forthcoming as I never heard from her again and that's how I came to call her the girl that I didn't understand.

Written and published by Don Leach