notmovingpictures Episode 109: I Get Anxious! and some Thanksgiving talk.

Talking about going back home for a Thanksgiving family reunion, the records I bought there and a zines, marvelous zines.

Find it here.

Closing music: Pinch Points - Reasons To Be Anxious

Email: tenfortuesday@gmail.com  Twitter & Instagram: @notmovingpics

Blog: www.notmovingpictures.blogspot.com

Older episodes can be found at www.archive.org. Just search for notmovingpictures. 

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

notmovingpictures Episode 107: The Less Stress The Better

A new episode is up, as usual Podomatic doesn't play nice so I can't get the player to imbed. Follow the link if you want to listen.

Solo talking about my new position at a different work site, which has resulted in less stress and anxiety, the latest music that I've bought and some zines I'm working on. So.......the usual stuff.

Closing music: Palm Ghosts - Wide Awake And Waiting

Email: notmovingpictures@gmail.com Twitter & Instagram: @notmovingpics

Blog: www.notmovingpictures.blogspot.com

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

Don't Confuse Alone With Lonely

I spent the Christmas holidays by myself, unless of course you count the sporadic visitations of Alex The Cat and I don’t. My wife and son were visiting her cousin in Memphis and unfortunately I couldn’t get time off from work. They tend to not give me time off around the holidays even though I’m the only supervisor in the evenings and those that were on 1st shift jumped on requesting it early. The thing is that when people found out I was going to be alone they began to besiege me with invitations to join them but thankfully, I was able to defer their good intentions. You see, I don’t mind being alone, as a matter of fact I was looking forward to spending some time by myself.

For some reason people tend to confuse alone with lonely. The two are not the same. Time spent by myself is usually that rarest thing where I get to indulge myself. And I did. I stayed up as late as I liked, slept in without being concerned with setting an alarm. I ate pizza on Christmas Eve and Christmas day and since it rained for over two days straight I barely left the house. While I did get two podcasts recorded and ready to go mainly I read or caught up on my Netflix queue. Basically I just did what I wanted when I wanted. I didn’t venture outside until after midnight on Saturday. I finally braved the torrential downpours to get a few groceries and hit Whataburger for some comfort food.

I've said it many times that I'm not a social person not do I care much for celebrating holidays. If it weren't for my wife and son I'd never have a tree up or decorations of any kind around the house. It's just not my thing and there is nothing wrong with that. Not everybody is the same and I feel we should embrace what makes us unique. I'm just trying to be me and stay true to myself. As I get older it seems so clear to me how much unnecessary grief and drama we put ourselves through trying to project an image of what we really are not. Having said that I know that at times I drive my wife crazy with the way I am because she's Peruvian and they are very social people.

So there you have it. I was alone for Christmas and not sad about it. Sure I would have liked to be around my family but since I couldn't be, spending some quality time with myself was a nice option to have.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

Playing Hooky

This past Thursday as I was getting dressed for work I looked over at my wife who hadn’t been feeling well all day. Besides me going to work it was also time for her to go pick our son up from school. She had been laying down and sat up and at that moment I knew what needed to happen. Still, I asked her if she was going to be okay and she merely shook her head no. Next I asked the all important question concerning my job, “Do I need to call in?” This time she nodded her head in the affirmative and asked “Can you?” It was now my turn to nod in the affirmative and I did call right after changing my clothes again. No sense in walking around in work clothes when I don’t have to. Then I was off to pick our son up.

Naturally he was surprised to see me but very happy as well. I informed him what was going on and we traveled back home so that he could change his clothes and get a snack. After checking his school work we left the house (my wife was soundly sleeping at this point and I didn’t want to wake her) and I treated him to a long overdue visit to our comic book store. Yes I did indulge him (and myself) before we blasted off for the library where I again indulged him and let him play on the computer there for over an hour. Oh yeah, we got some books too, that’s always important. We tried going to a park (okay two parks) so he could play for a few minutes before it got dark but it was no good, both were deserted, so instead we monkeyed around for as long as we could.

Returning home once again this time for some dinner we found my wife awake and feeling much better. Before getting ready for bed I went over my son’s spelling words with him so that he would be ready for his test the next day. It turned out to be a very relaxing and very different kind of night for me. I got to do things with my son that I normally don’t get to do on a weeknight because I’m always working. My wife usually helps him with his schoolwork and takes him places. I normally take him on the weekends to do stuff or we do it as a family. That made it all foreign territory for me but in a good way.

It almost felt like I was playing hooky from work even though I wasn’t. I was just taking care of my son and letting my wife rest. As a matter of fact it did remind of those times in high school when I did cut school for a day. Don't worry, it's not as if I was a horrible delinquent or anything. It's just that once or twice a year the pressure of dealing with everything that was high school and life would build up until I felt like I needed a break. So I’d stay home and my older sister Teresa would write me a note and forge our mother’s name on it and all would be well with the world. That’s what Thursday night felt like for me, a nice break where I was able to relax and enjoy my family and life.

It also served to underscore for me how fleeting these times are and if I go around putting things off or waiting for a better time I’ll miss a lot of things. I need to schedule a day off here and there occasionally so that our family can get together and enjoy our time together. Work can wait but doing things together that only helps to strengthen us as a family cannot wait. All you have to do is blink and time will pass you by and you’ll never get the chance to do it again. Thursday was my reminder, let’s hope I keep remembering and doing it. I owe it to them.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

Caught In Your Lie

Okay, This is a fresh one, done tonight. Although it's not about someone close to me it is about someone I have to interact with several days a week. That alone makes it worth getting off my chest since I cannot say it to his/her face at this time. So I got that going for me.

New minted freshly hired from without

Didn’t take long for your colors to show
Given the chance to come clean
Show some character and admit it
Caught in your lie and still you persist
Caught in your lie and still you resist
You’d rather stand on your pedestal
Shout how you’ve been wronged
Any attempt to do the right thing
Burned after you’d crossed that bridge
Caught in your lie and still you persist
Caught in your lie and still you resist
Push the issue and take it as far as you can
Your mock outrage at the front
Until you run up against the final wall
I’m already tired of carrying your dead weight
Caught in your lie and still you persist
Caught in your lie and still you resist
Can’t wait ‘til you’re gone
Can’t wait ‘til this charade is over

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

Had To Write About Answers

This isn't about a family member or close friend but it is about a particular person. You can get from it what you will but it came to me yesterday and I guess it's a continuation of my recent spurt of creativity. I'll keep going as long is this stuff keeps coming to me.

Answers

You come to me for answers

I talk you’re not listening
Tell me you need my help
And then cut me off
What’s the point to this
You’re just wasting my time
I wish I could cut you out
Let your cancer burn away
One less problem child
One less worry for me
I keep running out of time
Your distractions only pile on
Wish I could scream out loud
Use your brain and go away
Life would be much easier
But I need this

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

The Unsafe Streets

While on my way home tonight I noticed that the car ahead of me was having a hard time staying in it's lane and was sharply jerking to and fro. My first thought was that the driver was more than likely texting or doing something else just as stupid. That was until he blew through the first stop light without even slowing down. Then I began to think that perhaps he was more likely drunk. One mile later he blew through the second red light and I decided to do something about it so I called 911.

By the time I was able to speak to the police he had turned into the parking lot of what I assume was his apartment complex and proceeded to park. As I described what had been happening to the voice on the other end of the phone this unknown man got out of the car and started walking straight towards me. At that point I was advised to move away so that there wouldn't be any kind of confrontation between us. Well duh.

I had my truck in gear and pulled behind the next set of apartments but it was a dead end. I was going to have to turn around and go out the way I had come in. If he was waiting for me that aforementioned confrontation just might occur. Fortunately he was already on his way to his apartment and I used the opportunity pull over behind his vehicle and give a full description of it as well as the license plate number to the 911 operator.

Since he was out of the vehicle and had not been seen committing his violations by a police officer I was informed that there was nothing that could be done. Still the patrol units in the area would be given the information in case he decided to go out again. Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt. Any other time and I'd have seen cops all over the place. Face it, he got away whatever he was doing.

I console myself that at least I tried, I made an effort for whatever good that did. The fact is that drunks are going to do what they want no matter what the laws say. I just hope I can stay out of their way.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

It's Storming Outside

I was sitting at my desk in the bowels of the hospital tonight when the lights started dimming. Suddenly the power flicked off and came back on. As I attempted to restart my computer I could hear the fire doors in the hallway closing themselves over and over. That was my indicator that there was a major storm brewing outside. Then came the call from my wife informing me of how bad it was outside as she implored me to wait until it blew over before coming home. I assured her I would and then clocked out and stepped outside to assess the situation for myself.

It was bad, really bad. From the entrance of the parking garage to where I was standing was at least one hundred and fifty feet but I could clearly see the wind fiercely blowing rain a good forty feet inside. That was enough to make the decision for me. I pulled my truck around to where I could observe what was happening and so here I sit waiting for it to die down enough for me to drive home.

Nature is funny that way. A storm can brew up seemingly from out of nowhere and catch you unawares if you let it. Here in Oklahoma we suffer from tornadoes and severe thunder storms. In Lima, Peru where I just spent three weeks they have earthquakes (as well as regular power and water outages). I'm sure wherever you are Mother Nature does something potentially nasty or at least bothersome. It's the way things are in life. You just have to learn to ride it out as best you can and wait for your chance to get to safer ground. I think it's time for me to try it now.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

Monotony

While at work tonight as I listened to some music I was overcome with the desire to take a break and write. Knowing that I wouldn't be able to concentrate if I didn't do this I acquiesced to my muse. Wow, I'm sounding pretty snotty there. Anyway, I gave in and this one came out in about five minutes after which I went back over it and added a few words here and there and this one was born. I'm sure that when Tommy gets a look at it things will change but until then this is it.I'll just go ahead and say it's not about what you probably think it is.

Monotony

You call me in again

Have me sit down

Proceed to inform me

Everything I’ve done wrong

Gritting my teeth and

Shaking my head

I wonder why this is so

Another tired day of sorrow

Complaints duly registered

Minor none major we see

Yet here we sit once again

Grownups or children

You tell me your truth

Then I’ll tell you mine

Can’t seem to do good

Always placed out of line

Days locked into blind step

They all bleed into one

Keep my head bent low

And strive to push on

Every day filled with this

No end appears in sight

How many years I’ve missed

Something better than this

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

Where's My Spring Break?

This is shaping up to be one of those days, weeks, years for me. Spring Break has started and all of the kids are out of school for one week. That’s right, they get to enjoy a week of no school. Even if they don’t get to do as much as they want they still don’t have the stress of getting up early and slogging their way through school for a whole week. That’s a good thing. Since it is such a good thing then I have one question. Why don’t adults get this benefit?

Think about it. Who needs the time off more? Kids who got time off in the fall AND about three whole months in the summer or adults who get time off when they can get it approved from their boss? That’s provided of course that they can afford to take time off and actually do something relaxing. What’s the point in taking time off from work only to have your wife decide that since you’re home then you’re available to get all of those chores done that she’s been saving for you? That is not a vacation, believe me I know. Often it’s equal to if not an increase in your stress level.

This phenomenon of adults getting time off actually does occur in some countries. Many European countries not only give you the paid time off but they also have paid holidays. Some even basically shut down so that everyone can take time off from work. One of my previous employers gave us Federal holidays off with pay and if it was your holiday to work you also got a paid day off during the week. I loved that about them. My present employer offers no such thing. Instead sick days, vacation days and holidays are all lumped together and you accrue a certain amount each pay period. The amount you accrue actually is very close between those two companies.

Of course it was even better when I was in the Army. You accrued thirty leave or vacation days a year. All Federal holidays you were off and if they holiday fell on a Thursday or Tuesday the weekday after or before became what is known as a training holiday. Unless of course you had a duty assignment you had to pull. Think of it, every Thanksgiving you had a four day weekend that didn’t affect your vacation time. Theoretically you weren’t supposed to go very far from your duty station so you wouldn’t have any problems reporting back to your next scheduled day of work. That theory of course didn’t stop anyone from doing so. It was a great way to save up vacation time and then cash it in when you get out of the service (like I did).

Unfortunately most of us adults in the U.S. get left out in the cold when it comes to getting break time from work. The mentality here is to work, work, work and then work some more so that you can save up to go on vacation. Unfortunately most people never actually get to take that vacation. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve taken a real vacation while I’ve been with my present employer. I’m sure I could find a bunch of studies that would show how important it is for workers to take time off and get rid of their stress by taking a break but I’m too busy to do that right now. I’ll just look forward to the vacation I will (hopefully) be taking this summer. Three weeks off and you won’t be able to reach me by phone. Sounds like heaven to me.

Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

Valentines Day At Work?

They passed out paper sacks to us at work a few days ago and the idea is that after decorating them for Valentines Day we are to put them up on our desks so that people can put valentines in them. Suddenly I feel like I'm in grade school again. Well, after a bit of internal debate I decided I would partake of the festivities..........in my own way of course.
Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.

What Will Be Will Be

As I was driving to pick up my wife two weeks ago she called me to say the reason she needed me to take her to the Emergency Room. Her MRI had shown a dark spot. Immediately I followed my nature and started thinking deeply about what this could mean, not only to her but our family. What if it was something like a tumor? What if it was terminal? What would we do?

Besides being a deep thinker I am also a realist. What will happen is what will happen, there is no avoiding it. I'm not one to sit and bemoan why something has happened to me. Quickly I decided that if it were something that bad then I would make sure we that the time we had left together as a family would be special, that we would do everything that we always wanted to do but put off. If that meant letting the house go back to the bank and quitting my job to have the time for it to happen then I would do it. No question. I also said a quick prayer as I drove that none of this would be necessary.

Thankfully the news has been good. Although she has a blood clot on her brain it seems like surgery will not be needed at this time. By the time of the MRI her body was already fixing the problem. Last week she had a CAT Scan that showed that the blood clot was getting significantly smaller. We're hoping that in the coming weeks it will dissolve completely and there will be no more problems from it.

Then I asked myself, "Why do we always wait until it's too late to make our time special?" Instead of taking time away from our busy lives to do the things we want to do we instead put it off to do "tomorrow." Then we find out that there are no more "tomorrows" and we wish we could change it all. Why don't we try to have that spirit all the time?

Life just gets in the way. I mean we have to work to pay for our food, housing, clothes and transportation and that is getting harder to do every day. It's only natural that we keep trying to do those important things while dreaming of a time when we can do what we want instead of what we have to do. Once realized though, how much longer can we keep putting things off for a better time? After all, time is not infinite.

Published by Don Leach

Busy Day

Yesterday was a busy day in our household. My four year old son started school for the first time (Pre-K) which involved getting up at 7AM to get ready and get there on time. Afterwards a had a far too brief nap and my wife and I went to do the signing for the refinancing of our house. It's a much lower interest rate and will save us over $160 dollars a month in our mortgage payments. Best of all we get to skip the payment for month of September and we start anew in October. This way maybe we can catch up on some bills that are too far behind.

Afterwards we went to the library to take back books and dvds and pick up new ones and then to the tag agency to pay for the tags on my truck. Afterwards it was home and lunch and then off to work for the evening where I had to play catch up since I was off sick on Tuesday with unknown illness (I think it was from our lunch when we ate out). Needless to say I could not catch up on everything (not even close) but I did what I was able to accomplish so that's that. Now hopefully I'll have time to write something more on my break. The way things goes though, who can say?

Published by Don Leach

The Wonders Of Getting Cursed Out At Work

There's nothing like the always excellent experience of getting cursed out by an angry would be customer which did happen to me tonight. A young fellow came in after our release department was closed and wanted records released to him and didn't want to take no for an answer. It seems that our hours of operation was inconvenient for him and his situation. You see he doesn't have a car and had to walk here and he REALLY wanted these records even though I explained to him that our release department would have to be the ones to help him, especially since there were some legal questions that would need to be satisfied.

We were standing in the hallway and it didn't take long for the F-Bombs to start flying (from him not me) and then I told him to stop right there or I'd call security. This only prompted him to flip me off and curse even louder so I stepped back into the office and told them to call security. Once that was done his girlfriend started loudly cursing at me saying that I was a pussy for calling security. There were backing away down the hallway at this point and the further they got away the louder they got. Typical. By the time security got there they were long gone, presumably laughing about how lame I was and crowing about how they had showed me.

It made me think about where we are in society for people to think that this kind of behavior is not only acceptable but encouraged. It seems that everywhere I go if you honk your horn or make a gesture in frustration you are immediately met with vitriol of the vilest nature. What makes young people today think that they can get away with this kind of attitude? For one thing growing up now there are no real repercussions for acting like a complete and total idiot. There is no fear or respect anymore that was normally instilled when you were young. If I had done something like this at the same age the least I would have gotten was a sharp smack to the chops.

Instead the streets are full of young men and women in dire need of a reality check that society says we cannot give anymore because it's not civilized. We're raising a generation of jerks who thinks that their crap don't stink and who have no fear about getting called on their lack of manners and common courtesy. I know it's not all of them but it is a large enough number to be troubling. That's okay though, because karma is a strange thing and what comes around goes around. The knowledge that someday in the near future these two jagoffs will be on the receiving end of their own tongue lashings is enough to carry me gently through the night. Not that I'm over reacting to it or anything.

Published by Don Leach

Sometimes You Need A Change Of Pace

This past Sunday my wife and I took our son with us to visit an elderly couple from our church that we hadn't seen for some time. They go to a different ward than we do now so we don't get to see them that often. They're at least in their later 80s if not older and recently welcomed a great, great grandchild to their family. My wife stayed with them for a few months when she first moved to Tulsa and she likes to check on them from time to time but as of late we weren't very lucky in trying to catch them at home.

Both my wife and I have been feeling stressed out and out of sorts so it was nice to sit with them and catch up. They have three small dogs and one of them named Tarapoto came to me and laid on me almost the entire time we were there. There's something about me that most cats and dogs pick up on and usually are drawn to. They can sense that I will hold and pet them basically as long as they like. Well Tarapoto stayed with me and I gave him attention almost nonstop and he was in heaven. It made for a very relaxing, tranquil time for me and according to my wife it recharged her batteries. She commented that the spirit is very strong in their house and I agree with her.

At a time when so many things are pulling us in different directions something like this visit helped to center us and bring us back to where we should be. It's difficult with the two of us working different shifts, taking care of our son with no family in the area and trying to progress as people and as a family. It's easy to fall into bad habits and not take the time to communicate with each other but so much harder to put in the work that a relationship requires.

I'm glad we were able to learn a valuable lesson and slow down our pace, visit people who we care about and who care about us and just relax. We need to do more of it more often. That's the trick of course, making the time to do what's really needed instead of spending it how we think it's needed. Hopefully we'll take this lesson to heart.

What A Day, Driving, Doctors and Shots

Sometimes you just have days that are filled with so many things to do that you can hardly have time to breathe and yesterday was one of them for me. After getting off of work at midnight and not feeling well all day long I was dreaming of going home and relaxing for a little bit before going to bed. I started driving home and received a call from my wife which meant that my plans were about to be dashed against the proverbial rocks as is the norm. She was going to bed but wanted to let me know that she had just one thing for me to do. She had boiled some chicken and all I had to do was shred it. Oh and then mix it in with the sauce that she had made for the Peruvian dish Aji De Pollo. And then cut up the potatoes that she had boiled earlier and had put in the refrigerator. Then I would need to put the pillow cases on the pillows since she had made the bed (long story involving a child, pee and me doing laundry earlier in the day) so of course I said okay as if I had a choice in the matter. But first I got on the computer for a few minutes until she woke up and went from our sons room to ours. Knowing my place I decided to get busy and take care of everything. After finally getting done I was able to go to bed at about 2:30 AM.

I woke up at 8:30 AM to get my sons lunch and backpack ready, woke him up and dressed him and then took him to pre-school at 9:30 AM. Leaving there I raced over to Employee Health at the hospital I work at and had them read my TB tine test from 2days before and I was administered an MMR (Measles, Mumps, Rubella) inoculation in the arm. This was because the federal regulations have changed and I couldn't find my military shot records to prove to them that I had the MMR when I was a child and while I was in the Army. From there I was able to come home and eat some lunch before being blessed with a 25 minute nap.

Upon awakening and taking a shower I then journeyed to my doctors office for a follow up appointment where the news was mostly good. 2 weeks before, my blood pressure was too high but this time it had come down. In the past my blood pressure was at extremely good levels so this was a bit of a shock for me. My labs were okay for the most part other than my cholesterol being a bit high and my testosterone being significantly low. That's right, I said it. Significantly low. This was nothing new to me as I had found out before my son was conceived that I had low testosterone. Lately though I hadn't been feeling well and all of my symptoms pointed to my testosterone level dropping more and more. At this point in my life I thought that if taking testosterone replacement could give me more energy and allow me the chance for a better quality of life I was all for it. I'm just tired of feeling as bad as I have been. It wears on you over time and I have a 3 year old that I want to be able to actively raise instead of watching him grow up from a distance. Plus the wife wants another child so I needed some help, STAT.

The doctor reviewed the risk factors and agreed that I was a good candidate so we decided to go ahead with the therapy. That is after one more thing was checked out. You guessed it, I'm talking about the rectal exam which I was not expecting. The was the 2nd that I've had and one good thing about it is that it shows that I could never be a good homosexual. Just that brief intrusion into my most private of parts by one finger (at least I hope it was only one)from the doctor (at least I hope he was a doctor) was all I was able to bear. It was so incredibly uncomfortable that I could barely stand it. Literally. After that I received my testosterone shot which I will need to take every 3 weeks. The only other option was a cream that has to be applied daily and I know how forgetful I am so I went with the shot.

Afterwards I raced home and changed clothes and then picked up my son from his pre-school, raced back home and changed his clothes and then drove to work where my wife picked him up. Mind you all this with temperatures in the high 90s and my air conditioning not working properly. The next 8 and 1/2 hours at work went pretty fast and now I find myself with a sore arm and a sore, uhhh hip, sitting here at the computer when I should be sleeping but hey, I have to unwind somehow and this is one of the ways I do it. It wasn't a typical day for me but it was an interesting one.

Viruses, Work and Birthday Parties

It's been a strange week. My computer got infected by a virus that wouldn't even allow me to open and close programs. It kept referring me to a website that wanted me to by their software to get rid of spyware, viruses, etc........which is what it was itself. Since my anti-virus protection was a bit outdated (if you call about a year outdated) I finally got off of my lazy butt and went to the store to purchase a new copy. Once it was installed amazingly there was no more virus. Funny how that works. My son has basically broken our dvd player in the living room and the one in our bedroom seems to not want to work either so for now we can't watch any dvds which bums me out. Work has been a drain especially since it seems as I've gotten older that now I may be suffering from allergies associated with cutting grass. If only I could get out of the chore but alas, there is nobody else to do it, at least until my son gets a little older. Work has been especially draining and even more so when you factor in the allergies.

Friday was my son's 3rd birthday and we held his party the next day at 4pm. Now if I can impart any knowledge on you about Spanish speaking people it's that whenever there is a start time for an event it's basically just a suggestion. We had quite a few people over for his party and after almost all of them were gone a second wave came at around 7pm. I got really tired (also I'm not so sociable) so I disappeared to the bedroom to watch some tv. My wife and son have been asleep for some time now but I stayed up to clean things and unfortunately I still have the dishes to do. I need to get on it so that I can get some sleep myself so perhaps tomorrow I can come up with something witty and erudite (smart huh?)to impart on the world. Until then, I'm just too tired.