Problems. Everybody has them and so do I. Allow me to vent.
Opening music: Alloy - Live To See The Day
Closing music: Grant Hart - Morningstar
Email: notmovingpictures@gmail.com Twitter: @notmovingpics
Blog: www.notmovingpictures.blogspot.com
Older episodes of the podcast can be found at www.archive.org. Just search for notmovingpictures.
Written and Published by Don Leach.
May not be used without permission from the author.
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Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Friday, November 10, 2017
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Would You Like To Play A Game?
When I was a kid my mother, sister and I used to frequently visit my aunt who lived out in the country in the southeastern part of Ohio. She had four kids. Nick was the oldest followed by Larry, Mary Liz and Bernard. My older sister Teresa and Mary Liz were close to the same age and so were Bernard and I. My sister Karen was the youngest.
When you get that many kids together it's inevitable that they will want to play games and were no different than most. For a time it was friendly games like hide and go seek. After we grew out of that the game we wanted to play the most was called Hotbelt. I have no idea where the idea for this game came from or why we wanted to play it as badly as we did. I mean we would literally beg our parents to let us play and even though they didn't think it was a good idea eventually they would give in against their better wishes.
So just what does a session of Hotbelt consist of you may well ask yourself? There was a very large tree in the front yard that was the "base." As long as you were touching it you were safe. A belt was hidden in somewhere in the area, it could be behind the house, to the side of it but never too far off. The idea was that you could either look for it or find a place to hide. Once it was found you would have to make your way to the base. Sounds pretty simple right? Except of course that's not everything, there's one more piece of the puzzle left to talk about.
The person who found the belt would then try and catch the rest of the kids as they (usually) would run to the base. As they chased them they would whip them in the buttocks area with the belt. Seriously. This is the game we would beg to play. I don't think I'll ever understand what was wrong with us mentally but we always wanted to play it no matter how afraid we were (and I was quite afraid) of being whipped. My skinny butt got whipped quite a few times. Maybe that was when I first got an inkling of the value of being quiet and sneaky.
After everybody had made it back to the base the "whipper" would then go hide the belt and we'd do it all over again. We would play this game for hours. For some reason Nick and Larry always seemed to be the ones who found the belt. In fact I can't remember a single time that I myself ever found it. There was a reason for that if you can see where this is heading. It wasn't until many years later and we were all older that I found out that Nick and Larry were cheating. They would tell each other where the belt was hidden with the understanding that neither one of them would use it on the other.
With hindsight in now seemed so clear. Perhaps we were blinded by the stupidity of youth. After all, it was simple to reason that they were older, bigger and faster than the rest of us. I myself was short and skinny, two things that you cannot say about me today. Why wouldn't they always win against the rest of us? I tend to chalk it up to being naive. At that age you don't realize that people cheat, they don't always tell the truth or try to follow the rules. Sometimes they'll do whatever it takes to win. Sometimes they'll do things just to be mean just because they can.
Personally I'm kind of glad that I was so clueless, that it took more time for me to learn those lessons, some of which in just a few short years were drilled into my head in a rather cruel manner. Then the reasons for that treatment would be for where I lived, my lack of stylish or cool clothes or how I looked. Kids can be quite cruel when given ample opportunities. I don't think my cousins put a lot of thought into what they were doing, it was probably just funny to them and they didn't mean any serious harm.
No, I am glad I was able to hang on to my naivete,, to stay innocent and stave of the realities of the world just a little bit longer. The harsh knowledge of real life would come knocking altogether too soon. That's just the way it was and honestly it's part of what made me who I am today. Not every memory or story can have a happy ending after all and we aren't owed anything. It's what we do with it and what we learn that ends up being most important. Life is life.
Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.
When you get that many kids together it's inevitable that they will want to play games and were no different than most. For a time it was friendly games like hide and go seek. After we grew out of that the game we wanted to play the most was called Hotbelt. I have no idea where the idea for this game came from or why we wanted to play it as badly as we did. I mean we would literally beg our parents to let us play and even though they didn't think it was a good idea eventually they would give in against their better wishes.
So just what does a session of Hotbelt consist of you may well ask yourself? There was a very large tree in the front yard that was the "base." As long as you were touching it you were safe. A belt was hidden in somewhere in the area, it could be behind the house, to the side of it but never too far off. The idea was that you could either look for it or find a place to hide. Once it was found you would have to make your way to the base. Sounds pretty simple right? Except of course that's not everything, there's one more piece of the puzzle left to talk about.
The person who found the belt would then try and catch the rest of the kids as they (usually) would run to the base. As they chased them they would whip them in the buttocks area with the belt. Seriously. This is the game we would beg to play. I don't think I'll ever understand what was wrong with us mentally but we always wanted to play it no matter how afraid we were (and I was quite afraid) of being whipped. My skinny butt got whipped quite a few times. Maybe that was when I first got an inkling of the value of being quiet and sneaky.
After everybody had made it back to the base the "whipper" would then go hide the belt and we'd do it all over again. We would play this game for hours. For some reason Nick and Larry always seemed to be the ones who found the belt. In fact I can't remember a single time that I myself ever found it. There was a reason for that if you can see where this is heading. It wasn't until many years later and we were all older that I found out that Nick and Larry were cheating. They would tell each other where the belt was hidden with the understanding that neither one of them would use it on the other.
With hindsight in now seemed so clear. Perhaps we were blinded by the stupidity of youth. After all, it was simple to reason that they were older, bigger and faster than the rest of us. I myself was short and skinny, two things that you cannot say about me today. Why wouldn't they always win against the rest of us? I tend to chalk it up to being naive. At that age you don't realize that people cheat, they don't always tell the truth or try to follow the rules. Sometimes they'll do whatever it takes to win. Sometimes they'll do things just to be mean just because they can.
Personally I'm kind of glad that I was so clueless, that it took more time for me to learn those lessons, some of which in just a few short years were drilled into my head in a rather cruel manner. Then the reasons for that treatment would be for where I lived, my lack of stylish or cool clothes or how I looked. Kids can be quite cruel when given ample opportunities. I don't think my cousins put a lot of thought into what they were doing, it was probably just funny to them and they didn't mean any serious harm.
No, I am glad I was able to hang on to my naivete,, to stay innocent and stave of the realities of the world just a little bit longer. The harsh knowledge of real life would come knocking altogether too soon. That's just the way it was and honestly it's part of what made me who I am today. Not every memory or story can have a happy ending after all and we aren't owed anything. It's what we do with it and what we learn that ends up being most important. Life is life.
Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Poem For Grandpa
Tall and gaunt Not very vocal
When You Spoke It meant volumes
Solitary in nature Thinking it all out
When you grabbed The children
Rubbed stubble On their faces
Shrieks of joy disguised as terror
I was young I lived to visit
I turned older As did you
Those visits became Far less frequent
She left her body There but not there
Never to return To your home
You gave up Life had no meaning
I never said I love you
It was implied And reciprocated
I never got To say goodbye
Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.
When You Spoke It meant volumes
Solitary in nature Thinking it all out
When you grabbed The children
Rubbed stubble On their faces
Shrieks of joy disguised as terror
I was young I lived to visit
I turned older As did you
Those visits became Far less frequent
She left her body There but not there
Never to return To your home
You gave up Life had no meaning
I never said I love you
It was implied And reciprocated
I never got To say goodbye
Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Where's My Spring Break?
This is shaping up to be one of those days, weeks, years for me. Spring Break has started and all of the kids are out of school for one week. That’s right, they get to enjoy a week of no school. Even if they don’t get to do as much as they want they still don’t have the stress of getting up early and slogging their way through school for a whole week. That’s a good thing. Since it is such a good thing then I have one question. Why don’t adults get this benefit?
Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.
Think about it. Who needs the time off more? Kids who got time off in the fall AND about three whole months in the summer or adults who get time off when they can get it approved from their boss? That’s provided of course that they can afford to take time off and actually do something relaxing. What’s the point in taking time off from work only to have your wife decide that since you’re home then you’re available to get all of those chores done that she’s been saving for you? That is not a vacation, believe me I know. Often it’s equal to if not an increase in your stress level.
This phenomenon of adults getting time off actually does occur in some countries. Many European countries not only give you the paid time off but they also have paid holidays. Some even basically shut down so that everyone can take time off from work. One of my previous employers gave us Federal holidays off with pay and if it was your holiday to work you also got a paid day off during the week. I loved that about them. My present employer offers no such thing. Instead sick days, vacation days and holidays are all lumped together and you accrue a certain amount each pay period. The amount you accrue actually is very close between those two companies.
Of course it was even better when I was in the Army. You accrued thirty leave or vacation days a year. All Federal holidays you were off and if they holiday fell on a Thursday or Tuesday the weekday after or before became what is known as a training holiday. Unless of course you had a duty assignment you had to pull. Think of it, every Thanksgiving you had a four day weekend that didn’t affect your vacation time. Theoretically you weren’t supposed to go very far from your duty station so you wouldn’t have any problems reporting back to your next scheduled day of work. That theory of course didn’t stop anyone from doing so. It was a great way to save up vacation time and then cash it in when you get out of the service (like I did).
Unfortunately most of us adults in the U.S. get left out in the cold when it comes to getting break time from work. The mentality here is to work, work, work and then work some more so that you can save up to go on vacation. Unfortunately most people never actually get to take that vacation. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve taken a real vacation while I’ve been with my present employer. I’m sure I could find a bunch of studies that would show how important it is for workers to take time off and get rid of their stress by taking a break but I’m too busy to do that right now. I’ll just look forward to the vacation I will (hopefully) be taking this summer. Three weeks off and you won’t be able to reach me by phone. Sounds like heaven to me.
Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
New Lyrics - The Direction That We're Going
Another first pass at some new lyrics that I started a few days ago and just got back to today. The first two verses and the first two lines of the third verse are pretty much the way I came up with them last week other than shifting the order of a few of them. The rest came out today. I kept going until I felt I had said all there was to say on the subject. There may be more coming later though. Just a feeling.
I have to wonder at the direction we’re going
About the choices we have to make
Zero tolerance for kids playing children’s games
Soon enough you’ll send them to fight your wars
What kind of twisted message are we sending
Do you wonder why they’re so confused
The lessons being pressed upon them
In the name of holy social appearances
This is no longer the land of freedom
It’s become the land of everyone offended
Why do you want to put your adult fears
On those that just want to be young
So quick to look and place your blame
Never thinking of the consequences
What kind of people will grow from this
Do you think this will really affect change
I grew up in the land of the free
It’s become the land of free to do as you’re told
The land of not responsible for your own actions
Place the blame and play a political game
Attack the branches yet never the root
The problem keeps on growing sprouting anew
You can’t see because of the blindfold you wear
Hiding from the sight of common sense
A five year old schoolchild isn’t a terrorist
A six year old doesn’t always mean what they say
They come from a place of total honesty
No ill will intent in the language they use
Get rid of the one size fits all policy handed down
Stop reading the press release and take a stand
Use your brain stop relying on what someone else says
Use your brain, use your brain, use your brain
Written and Published by Don Leach. May not be used without permission from the author.
Friday, March 11, 2011
The Sad State Of Youth Today
I've recently seen an article on Yahoo about a mother being upset how her son's grade school teacher had sent a note home to her. It seems that the teacher in question had stapled a note to the boys shirt informing his parents of his actions. When questioned she stated that she had done so because she had previously sent homes notes and believed that he wasn't giving them to his parents. The mother said that she had received the notes but was upset because her son had been publicly embarrassed by this treatment and that it was unfair.
Now when I was young it was common for teachers to pin a note to your shirt so that it wouldn't be forgotten or overlooked and yes it was normally because you had done something wrong in their eyes. Since I'm not part of this situation and don't have all of the details the only thing that I can comfortably comment on is to speculate that if the parents say they had received previous notes and that the teacher was unsure if they were being given to them then it seems to be that perhaps there was no communication between the two parties. That would explain this disconnect between them.
Thinking a little deeper though this makes me think about how we are raising our children. Currently I feel we are raising generations of children where they don't seem to be able to take criticism at all nor do they understand why they are suddenly not special anymore. Case in point, athletic leagues. Nowadays every child on every team gets a trophy because sometime in the past some parents thought that it wasn't fair that only the top three finishing teams got trophies and that it made their children feel left out and that they weren't good enough. Instead of teaching them lessons that have real life implications such as you can't always be first and that sometimes your team may not be that good and it holds you back but doesn't diminish who and what type of person you are, they chose to try and make every child feel that they were all equal.
That's the problem right there. No matter how much we try to make it so, everybody is not equal. Some are faster, some are smarter, some more athletic, some bigger and some smaller. Some catch on quickly and others have to have things explained to them point by point. None of this means that one person is better or worse than any other, it only means that we are all different and can't be judged by the same standards. I may not be as good looking as others but I have things about me that stand out and make me who I am. So what if I'm not the best athlete or video game player? None of this matters in reality. Just find out what it is that you like and makes you unique, if only even to yourself.
Everybody cannot finish first in everything. It's impossible. There have to be people who finish last the same as there has to be doctors as well as ditch diggers. Simply put, we should be addressing ways to make the children understand that where you finish isn't always the most important thing, it's how you finish. It's the work that you put into it. We need to stop worrying if they get their feelings hurt so much because that's going to happen when they hit the real world. Right now most of them are unprepared for when they hit problems. They don't understand when their boss tells them that their work isn't up to standard or that they need to put forth more effort. They don't understand why they cannot immediately make the kind of money that their parents make. They just feel that everyone is being unfair and hurting their feelings.
So basically they are going to go through everything cruel and unkind in the world that all before them have gone through to some degree or another but they will have no idea how they should and can react. Instead it will be like a gate closing to them. Solid, unmoving and impenetrable. What do they do then? We need to be more understanding of what skills they are going to need to learn so that when this happens, and it will, they will be prepared and be able to solve problems on their own instead of coming running home because life isn't fair. It isn't and never has been so let's try to teach them something about this because it really is so important.
Published by Don Leach
Now when I was young it was common for teachers to pin a note to your shirt so that it wouldn't be forgotten or overlooked and yes it was normally because you had done something wrong in their eyes. Since I'm not part of this situation and don't have all of the details the only thing that I can comfortably comment on is to speculate that if the parents say they had received previous notes and that the teacher was unsure if they were being given to them then it seems to be that perhaps there was no communication between the two parties. That would explain this disconnect between them.
Thinking a little deeper though this makes me think about how we are raising our children. Currently I feel we are raising generations of children where they don't seem to be able to take criticism at all nor do they understand why they are suddenly not special anymore. Case in point, athletic leagues. Nowadays every child on every team gets a trophy because sometime in the past some parents thought that it wasn't fair that only the top three finishing teams got trophies and that it made their children feel left out and that they weren't good enough. Instead of teaching them lessons that have real life implications such as you can't always be first and that sometimes your team may not be that good and it holds you back but doesn't diminish who and what type of person you are, they chose to try and make every child feel that they were all equal.
That's the problem right there. No matter how much we try to make it so, everybody is not equal. Some are faster, some are smarter, some more athletic, some bigger and some smaller. Some catch on quickly and others have to have things explained to them point by point. None of this means that one person is better or worse than any other, it only means that we are all different and can't be judged by the same standards. I may not be as good looking as others but I have things about me that stand out and make me who I am. So what if I'm not the best athlete or video game player? None of this matters in reality. Just find out what it is that you like and makes you unique, if only even to yourself.
Everybody cannot finish first in everything. It's impossible. There have to be people who finish last the same as there has to be doctors as well as ditch diggers. Simply put, we should be addressing ways to make the children understand that where you finish isn't always the most important thing, it's how you finish. It's the work that you put into it. We need to stop worrying if they get their feelings hurt so much because that's going to happen when they hit the real world. Right now most of them are unprepared for when they hit problems. They don't understand when their boss tells them that their work isn't up to standard or that they need to put forth more effort. They don't understand why they cannot immediately make the kind of money that their parents make. They just feel that everyone is being unfair and hurting their feelings.
So basically they are going to go through everything cruel and unkind in the world that all before them have gone through to some degree or another but they will have no idea how they should and can react. Instead it will be like a gate closing to them. Solid, unmoving and impenetrable. What do they do then? We need to be more understanding of what skills they are going to need to learn so that when this happens, and it will, they will be prepared and be able to solve problems on their own instead of coming running home because life isn't fair. It isn't and never has been so let's try to teach them something about this because it really is so important.
Published by Don Leach
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Thinking About Road Trips Past and Present
Going on last weeks road trip has had me thinking about how different things are now from my youth. For instance, for my overnight trip I packed enough clothes, even some for an emergency and had my shampoo and other toiletries. My friend Tom made sure his truck was gassed up and even had his tires rotated and balanced. We brought enough money for food, a hotel room and concert t-shirts if we wanted to buy one (which I did not end up doing). All in all it was well planned out and we had an enjoyable time.
When we were in high school and college it was much different. Our first concern was that the concert tickets were paid for and then that we had money for a t-shirt. Not purchasing a shirt was not an option, it was a requirement. Everything else was secondary. There were times where we didn't even check to see if we had a spare tire much less if it had enough air in it. If we didn't drive back after the show we would just pull over somewhere and sleep in the car or find someplace to rest. There were no changes of clothes, no toothbrushes or shampoo weighing us down. We would eat IF we had the time, chance or money left over. Then we would arrive home tired and grimy but would have a grin on our faces whenever someone would see out concert t-shirt or when we would brag to other friends about having gone to see the show.
Back then we didn't have many concerns or serious worries. If there was something we wanted to do and we could make it happen on a whim then we generally did it. Hell, Tom was sneaking off to see shows that were several hours away all of the time even after his father told him he couldn't go. No, these were simpler times when we didn't have serious jobs or families to worry about and our entire lives were ahead of us. My only regret is that I didn't take more advantage of the situation than I did.
Now we have those families and those serious jobs where we have to plan ahead and ask for days off and make arrangements for someone to watch our kids. We have to consider if it puts too much stress on our spouses and hope that we can put aside the thoughts about work piling up while we are away reliving our youth. This trip took a lot of effort on my part just to see if it was possible that I could go. The day before we left I had to cut the grass, put away clean dishes and wash dirty ones and do several loads of laundry all while taking care of my son. Then I had to go to work and put up with the usual stuff there. But I remember a time back then when Tom showed up at my summer job at noon to ask me if I could get off right then so that we could go see Journey in Oklahoma City. My dad wasn't very pleased that I left work just to go see a concert but as I pointed out to him, it was just a summer job and I wasn't going to be doing it forever. Now was the time, the chance to go see a show with friends. To goof off and have a laugh. To just enjoy life. There was time to be serious later, when we were older and presumably wiser.
Of course now that I am older and (maybe) wiser I realise that I no longer want to sleep in a car or stay up until 4am driving back from a show. I don't want to go without a shower or a meal. I like having a good nights sleep. I'm thankful for technology which allows us to see at a moments notice if there are any of our groups out there coming anywhere close so that we can even think about going to see them. Then we can plan our trip down to as minute a detail as we want. Back in the day the only way to find out about concerts was by listening to the radio and then asking around for directions to the venue. It was always an adventure just to get to the show on time and then find our way home. It was a lucky time if we didn't have any classes the next day and could sleep in.
As I slide closer to middle age (did I just shudder?) I'm actually glad that I want my creature comforts and I don't have to do things like camp out for tickets. I'm glad I have my wife and child and all of the responsibilities and worries that come with the territory. I'm happy to have a job with benefits that allows me the time to feed my inner child. Because when it comes down to it all of the past has made me who I am today. All of the good and not so good times, the trips, the time hanging out doing next to nothing, just enjoying the moment helped mould me into the semi-sane person that I am today. And I wouldn't trade a moment of it for anything in the world. Unless of course it was to get backstage and then all bets are off.
When we were in high school and college it was much different. Our first concern was that the concert tickets were paid for and then that we had money for a t-shirt. Not purchasing a shirt was not an option, it was a requirement. Everything else was secondary. There were times where we didn't even check to see if we had a spare tire much less if it had enough air in it. If we didn't drive back after the show we would just pull over somewhere and sleep in the car or find someplace to rest. There were no changes of clothes, no toothbrushes or shampoo weighing us down. We would eat IF we had the time, chance or money left over. Then we would arrive home tired and grimy but would have a grin on our faces whenever someone would see out concert t-shirt or when we would brag to other friends about having gone to see the show.
Back then we didn't have many concerns or serious worries. If there was something we wanted to do and we could make it happen on a whim then we generally did it. Hell, Tom was sneaking off to see shows that were several hours away all of the time even after his father told him he couldn't go. No, these were simpler times when we didn't have serious jobs or families to worry about and our entire lives were ahead of us. My only regret is that I didn't take more advantage of the situation than I did.
Now we have those families and those serious jobs where we have to plan ahead and ask for days off and make arrangements for someone to watch our kids. We have to consider if it puts too much stress on our spouses and hope that we can put aside the thoughts about work piling up while we are away reliving our youth. This trip took a lot of effort on my part just to see if it was possible that I could go. The day before we left I had to cut the grass, put away clean dishes and wash dirty ones and do several loads of laundry all while taking care of my son. Then I had to go to work and put up with the usual stuff there. But I remember a time back then when Tom showed up at my summer job at noon to ask me if I could get off right then so that we could go see Journey in Oklahoma City. My dad wasn't very pleased that I left work just to go see a concert but as I pointed out to him, it was just a summer job and I wasn't going to be doing it forever. Now was the time, the chance to go see a show with friends. To goof off and have a laugh. To just enjoy life. There was time to be serious later, when we were older and presumably wiser.
Of course now that I am older and (maybe) wiser I realise that I no longer want to sleep in a car or stay up until 4am driving back from a show. I don't want to go without a shower or a meal. I like having a good nights sleep. I'm thankful for technology which allows us to see at a moments notice if there are any of our groups out there coming anywhere close so that we can even think about going to see them. Then we can plan our trip down to as minute a detail as we want. Back in the day the only way to find out about concerts was by listening to the radio and then asking around for directions to the venue. It was always an adventure just to get to the show on time and then find our way home. It was a lucky time if we didn't have any classes the next day and could sleep in.
As I slide closer to middle age (did I just shudder?) I'm actually glad that I want my creature comforts and I don't have to do things like camp out for tickets. I'm glad I have my wife and child and all of the responsibilities and worries that come with the territory. I'm happy to have a job with benefits that allows me the time to feed my inner child. Because when it comes down to it all of the past has made me who I am today. All of the good and not so good times, the trips, the time hanging out doing next to nothing, just enjoying the moment helped mould me into the semi-sane person that I am today. And I wouldn't trade a moment of it for anything in the world. Unless of course it was to get backstage and then all bets are off.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Time goes on
About 3 weeks ago I made a post about not even knowing if my marriage was going to make it. My wife had said some pretty horrible things to me and honestly I didn't even know if I wanted to keep on trying. What a difference a day makes. We talked the next day and she was going through a few things but explained that she didn't mean what she had said and indeed did love me and wanted us to stay together and works things out. Since then I've turned a corner of sorts and come out of the semi-depression I was in and feel much better about life in general and am even making plans for future events since clearly waiting for something good to happen just doesn't work. You have to put yourself in a position for good things to happen. Basically I mean you need to be working towards a clearly defined goal in order for positive things to happen for and to you. Sitting around dreaming while nice and time consuming just doesn't get it done. Unfortunately there won't be a knock at the door where the perfect thing you want in life will happen to and for you. You've got to get out there and make it happen and now I'm planning for it.
When I say i was depressed don't get the wrong idea. It wasn't clinical or anything like that. It's just that off and on I would get depressed about work, my marriage and personal things that I've not accomplished in life. The thing was I wasn't doing anything to realize my dreams, to make them reality. That's all about to change my friends. I feel something very different and am making my plans, putting it in writing with a realistic plan of action. It doesn't even matter if I fail as long as I put forth the effort and do my best. Okay it matters some, I won't lie. Anyway, this is the year I start learning again and get off my duff for better or worse and accomplish something. More on this later.
When I say i was depressed don't get the wrong idea. It wasn't clinical or anything like that. It's just that off and on I would get depressed about work, my marriage and personal things that I've not accomplished in life. The thing was I wasn't doing anything to realize my dreams, to make them reality. That's all about to change my friends. I feel something very different and am making my plans, putting it in writing with a realistic plan of action. It doesn't even matter if I fail as long as I put forth the effort and do my best. Okay it matters some, I won't lie. Anyway, this is the year I start learning again and get off my duff for better or worse and accomplish something. More on this later.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
What's Going On?
It’s not easy hearing that you’re not good enough from the person that you love and that you presume loves you. As a matter of fact it’s a slap in the face, a stinging blow to your spirit, your pride and your belief in the world. When that comment is used in addition to other hurtful words the effect can be devastating. I heard those words and more tonight from my wife. She told me she made a mistake marrying me and that basically we can never be happy because I won’t change who I am and that everything wrong is my fault, other than her marrying me that is. What a way to start off the New Year.
It would be a lie if I said that during this very difficult year I hadn’t wondered if we would make it. I did think about that. That’s what I do, I think deeply about things and yeah sometimes I think too deeply. No, I did think about that from time to time and I even thought about what it would be like. My wife has the feeling that everything would be fine if we got a divorce, that everything would be perfect and we would be so much happier on our own. Except we wouldn’t be on our own. You see, we have a son. A beautiful, lively son with a lust for life who is two years and 8 months old. Common sense says that if we were to split now he would adapt quickly although he wouldn’t really understand why things changed. To him it would just be different and he’d adjust and move forward.
What I worry about though is how I would adapt especially if I couldn’t see him every day. I love this kid dearly and can’t bear the thought of not seeing him every single day and being with him and interacting with him. He just came up to me as I’m typing this so for now I need to stop and just be here with my son. Who knows how many more opportunities I’ll have like this?
It would be a lie if I said that during this very difficult year I hadn’t wondered if we would make it. I did think about that. That’s what I do, I think deeply about things and yeah sometimes I think too deeply. No, I did think about that from time to time and I even thought about what it would be like. My wife has the feeling that everything would be fine if we got a divorce, that everything would be perfect and we would be so much happier on our own. Except we wouldn’t be on our own. You see, we have a son. A beautiful, lively son with a lust for life who is two years and 8 months old. Common sense says that if we were to split now he would adapt quickly although he wouldn’t really understand why things changed. To him it would just be different and he’d adjust and move forward.
What I worry about though is how I would adapt especially if I couldn’t see him every day. I love this kid dearly and can’t bear the thought of not seeing him every single day and being with him and interacting with him. He just came up to me as I’m typing this so for now I need to stop and just be here with my son. Who knows how many more opportunities I’ll have like this?
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